Cheese Is for Sharing
and other wisdom for humans.
Sometimes it’s hard to be a person.
The pressure. The responsibility. The existential dread.
If you’re an anxious human or an empathetic human — really any human with a heart — there’s a good chance you’ve been feeling it as of late.
The other day, I saw an opinion piece about how dogs (generally) enjoy their lives more than people. This did not seem like news. While I cannot speak directly to the dog experience, I can attest that Gnocchi seems fairly content — anchored in the moment, curious, refreshingly devoid of shame.
I recently described her as one of my greatest teachers, which made me wonder, if she were to give a lecture, what would she say? As this piece started to take shape, it became apparent that it needed to be told in her voice.
So today, for beloved paid subscribers, I present a very special guest post (and much-needed departure from the status quo). I hope you enjoy it even half as much as we enjoyed putting it together.
HI. HELLO. It’s Gnocchi.
After walking on the lady’s keyboard for MONTHS I am jazzed to share my truth. Here is the wisdom of Dog, for humans, by dog — thirteen-and-a-half tips for living. I love you. Thank you. Here goes.
1. STAY IN YOUR LANE.
There is this dachshund who lives in our building, with flowing flaxen hairs and chonky furry feets like a bougie Grinch. When he goes for walks, he wears a blue hooded puffer and when my lady sees him, she goes “awww” like she doesn’t have her own enchanted Ewok (ME) at home. Like that isn’t ridiculous enough, the neighbor-ween has an Instagram account with a bajillion followers that $upports his family while I’ve never made a dollar in my life. If I were human, I’d probably be jealous, but I am dog, so I do not care. I am me and that is plenty. I am me and I am love, so somebody give me a carrot.
2. SEIZE IT.
The moment, the day, the dropped morsel. Dogs never procrastinate. Why do you?
3. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
How else are you going to get it?
3 1/2. IF IT DOESN’T WORK, ASK AGAIN.
Don’t be shy. Maybe they didn’t hear you. Persistence is a virtue. That sometimes results in cheese.
4. PEE OUTSIDE GO OUTSIDE.
I had this whole tip planned but I’ve since been informed that it is illegal for humans to just pee wherever they feel like, so I guess don’t pee outside. But for the love of fish sticks please at least GO outside. GO NOW! Look at a tree or something. “Outside” can mean a lot of things — outside your home, outside your routine, outside your comfort zone, WHATEVER. The point is that stepping out forces you to EXPERIENCE stuff like fresh air, fresh smells, fresh feelings, neighborhood happenings like when there’s a new garden statue in the shape of a whimsical goose in Gladys’ front yard. It helps you find ideas. It reminds you of your place (very small) in the grand scheme of things. It’s harder to doom spiral when you’re looking at a cloud or a constellation or a dog in a barn jacket. Especially that one.