The Secret to Manifesting Whatever You Desire

it's not what you think.

Before we go any further, let’s agree that the title of this post is pure, unabashed clickbait.

I wanted you to open it. I hope it worked.

Tee-hee.

In the interest of managing expectations, there is no secret. I can’t tell you how to secure a book deal. Or a vast fortune. Or the partner of your dreams. Or whatever you desire. However, there are no shortage of folks who promise such advice. (Trust me; I’ve read their books.)

I’m in the business of personal narratives, and this one spans the nearly twenty-year process of dreaming, daring, and getting in my own way…while connecting the dots to realize (some of) my goals.

While it’s not quite a how-to, it’s organized around what I hope are some helpful takeaways on — ick, here goes — manifestation. But that’s the last time I’ll use that word.

To be clear, I’m not talking about some The Secret-esque, Law of Attraction-based, materialistic, self-centered pseudoscience akin to “close your eyes and imagine a Ferrari,” ignoring the realities of privilege, oppression, injustice, and the many external forces outside our control.

No, the m-word, as I’ve come to define it, is a practice of befriending your subconscious, tuning into your nervous system, and eventually — with time and practice — learning to align with what truly moves you. It’s a mix of psychology, physiology, self-compassion, flexibility, and perseverance.

Ultimately, it’s about the power of the stories we tell ourselves. And about how we can rewrite those stories, from the inside out.

Magic is in the moment.

1. It starts with a different m-word.

Questionable wellness influencers love to employ the same flashy m-words — magic, manifestation, miracles. But I’ve found that real-life magic starts with a far more grounded one: mindfulness.

Everyday magic is in the moment. The details. The here and now.

Unfortunately for us, humans did not evolve to recognize the difference between a tiger and a troubling text, email, or headline. For many of us, the sympathetic nervous system (fight-flight-or-freeze) is chronically activated. When our stress response runs the show, it primes our inner critic to weigh in with less-than-encouraging feedback.

There is ample science behind this, but for today’s purposes, here’s a gross oversimplification: If you’re stressed, you’re going to have a harder time seeing opportunities, believing in possibilities, and making stuff happen.

Now. You do not have to sit cross-legged for hours a day, or chant mantras, or do a deep dive into meditation techniques. If that’s of interest and it serves you, great. But you can start by simply breathing.

At the beginning or end of your day, or whenever you feel stress creeping in, take a moment to notice your breath. Drop your shoulders away from your ears. Notice the light, any background noise, the temperature of the air, whatever your senses are telling you. Allow your body to simply exist, in the moment.

It may sound small and irritatingly simple, but that’s exactly it. Small changes and simple rituals help ground us in the moment, which helps us open ourselves up to possibilities, and our own personal magic.

2. Our stories have power.

For a long time, I bought into a particular narrative, one that I heard from the time I was small. It went something like this: Writing is a hobby, not a job. Writers can’t make any money. Writing a book is a dream shared by many, accomplished by few. Writing is a hard life.

While many may say these statements have merit, I can attest that they did not inspire a sense of possibility. Because writing was apparently not a job, I found an agreeable solution: writing-adjacent work in service of others, whether as an assistant, editor, ghostwriter, or editorial consultant. The “writing is hard” story persisted for years, even as I encountered plenty of working writers — hell, even after I became one myself. I am still working on reframing it.

Whatever stories you carry, whether limiting or empowering, you have the ability to rewrite them. Much like a messy first draft, the real work is in the shaping and refining.

Is me?

3. Befriend your subconscious.

Our consciousness — which is to say, our awareness — constitutes roughly 10% of the mind. That other ~90% (the subconscious and unconscious) has a lot to do with our beliefs and behavior. So, it behooves us to inquire, who is this mysterious mind-lord pulling the strings behind the scenes?

As I explored my inner story, one thing became abundantly clear: My subconscious is kind of an asshole. Why is she anxious and fearful? Why does she sabotage my projects? Why does she think I’m unworthy? Why is she incapable of entertaining the idea of writing a book without immediately imagining negative Goodreads reviews? (All excellent questions that I’m processing in therapy.)

My conscious mind may repeat empowering things ad nauseum, but it isn’t running the show. The positive news is that we can learn to befriend our subconscious minds and imbed our intentions within them. As neuroscientist Dr. James Doty explains, “We teach our subconscious what is important through repetition and positive emotion.”

To that end…

4. Daydreaming isn’t wasted time.

One stop of my career path included writing books with and for other people. As a celebrity ghostwriter, I’ve been fortunate to work with folks who are among the very best at what they do. One commonality I observed is that many practice visualization — imagining a desired outcome, including the positive feelings it inspires.

Part of visualization is to prime your mind, so you recognize opportunities and feel ready to seize them. When a proverbial door opens, there’s no hesitation. Your brain goes, “Oh, this! We’ve seen this a million times. Let’s go.”

5. Synchronicities are worthy because you notice them.

I often hear synchronicities dismissed as “coincidences as witnessed by people desperate to give them meaning.” But synchronicities are significant not because they happen, but because we register them in the first place. In other words, we see what we believe. We notice what we are primed to seek.

Once upon a time, I was walking through downtown Manhattan when I saw a person with a Penguin tote bag. For whatever reason, on that particular day, a little voice inside said, “Go home and apply for a job at Penguin. That’s your next move.” This wasn’t entirely out of left field; I worked at a literary agency at the time and felt ready for a new step. But I hadn’t considered this before.

Long story short, I found a job posting, applied, went through the interview process, and was eventually hired. The strangest part? The person with the tote bag I’d seen that day turned out to be my new boss.

But, like, on a tote bag.

6. It’ll look however it looks.

The work of chasing your dreams and shaping our world is decidedly not the same as ordering stuff from a catalogue. Things will work out in their own way. Often, this is not exactly as you imagined.

At twenty-two, I wrote a list of goals so lofty it could only be penned by youth. It included, WRITE BESTSELLING BOOK BY AGE TWENTY-FIVE. Spoiler alert: This did not happen in the generous timeframe I laid out for myself.

At age forty, I’ve written thirteen books, in one form or another. A handful of those (ghostwritten, so I take no credit for their publicity) became bestsellers.

And yet, the initial aim as it hatched in my long-ago journal — my novel, my way — is still in progress.

I speak from experience when I say that holding tight to a specific outcome creates a boatload of pressure, particularly where creativity is concerned. Writing for others, writing for the fun of it, writing with no parameters? That flows. Writing because everything depends on it is a surefire recipe for writer’s block.

Success is in the eye of the beholder. It helps to use a wide lens.

7. A little self-compassion goes a long way.

You know that feeling you get when someone is angry and critical and discouraging, and they’re not very pleasant to be around?

Or how when someone is kind and encouraging and uplifting, when they see the best in you, when they applaud your efforts and celebrate your talents and accept you just as you are, and it’s the most wonderful gift? Sometimes it even helps you see yourself in a new light, and believe you are capable of ushering beauty into the world, and it makes you want to try and see what comes of it?

That, but for yourself.

8. Things take time.

Sometimes things happen quickly — so effortless, so instantaneous, it can only be the wings of fate. But much of the time, things take for-ev-er.

This is true of deals and dreams and relationships, and my goodness, it is true of books. Which have a lot of words. So many words. Which take time to write and edit.

What I’m saying is, if something is a process — even a lengthy, protracted process — that does not mean you are a failure. Nor does it mean it won’t work out.

Experiences build on one another. As do lessons. The m-word, like any good practice, is not a one-time deal. It requires patience, refinement, and effort. Worthy things take time.

What do you mean, it’s not about me?

9. It’s not about you. But it’s not not about you.

Ultimately, we are the rulers of our inner world, and that’s what we have the ability to change. Visualization, intention, breathwork, self-kindness, and befriending the subconscious are wonderful tools, but they’re not meant to influence an outcome or exert control over the external world. The real aim is altering our inner landscape to court belief and resilience.

At the end of the day, we are both infinite and infinitesimal, distinct and interconnected. While it’s great to have personal goals (say, a book deal), focusing on how they provide a greater good (say, by educating, entertaining, or inspiring readers) may ultimately prove more motivating and fruitful.

While we cannot control the outer workings of the world, we are active participants in it, and our energy, ideas, and intentions inform our collective reality. But it all starts within.

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This post was inspired and informed by our recent book club pick, Mind Magic: The Neuroscience of Manifestation and How It Changes Everything. If you’re interested in a deeper dive on some of these concepts and the science behind them, I recommended checking it out, or hearing the author share his story on places like Armchair Expert or the Mel Robbins Podcast.

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A heartfelt THANK YOU to the wonderful group of subscribers who joined our first ever Book Club virtual meeting earlier today. Thanks so much for sharing your time, energy, and insights. I can’t wait for the next one!

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Today’s post is longer than the usual fare, so the weekly card reading will be sent in a separate email, for paid subscribers, later this week.

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As always, thank you for reading. x