Loved this post! I am the hermit with a thousand passions and a million projects. I'm in my fifties and yeah, it's my experience that shortly after fifty is when it became far less relevant what people think of me. I have a better appreciation than ever for a world full of differing perspectives, rotten days, and unique background experiences. Not everyone likes me, or has the same taste as me. That's okay. So if I want to wear colorful ankle socks with my Birkenstocks, I will, because that what makes my feet feel good. People sometimes don't get my art, which doesn't feel great. But I'm starting to realize that some pieces might only be for me. And at this age I've made so very many lovely mistakes in my life that I want to give more attention to my mindset and what I can keep learning than to relying on others' approval to make me happy. That's what I'm working on anyway!
Caroline ~ “The secret of being a writer: not to expect others to value what you've done as you value it. Not to expect anyone else to perceive in it the emotions you have invested in it. Once this is understood, all will be well. (She wants to think!)”
i
From Joyce Carol Oates excellent Substack article, “An Unexpected Intimacy.”
So happy to revisit this post, Caroline. Especially as it encourages us to pay little heed to critics. If someone doesn't like your work, that is ONE person's opinion. We are wired to tune into the negative and critical voices but imagine if we only filtered in the positive? We need to take stock of all the data, both good and bad, and select carefully which we decide to listen to. And the Hermit! My daughter and I have taken to pulling a card for each other each week (thanks for the inspo!) and this week I pulled The Hermit for her. Your reflections were spot on and since she is a subscriber too, I am so happy she will read your words. Especially this: "You are you—essence and wonder and breath and being. What better world is there to explore?"
I recently re-read a book that I loved a decade ago. Paragraphs are underlined and sections are starred and pages are dogeared. I recommended this book to many friends. And yet, when I picked it up again, I couldn't get into it. The writing now sounded flat and the metaphors felt flimsy. I was shocked. I so adored this book and now ... nothing. Art can resonate, or not. And sometimes that is simply a factor of when and where it meets us. I'm glad the author wrote that book. I so needed it ten years ago. And current day me was happy enough to pick up another book. Ever onwards.
I can happily confirm that we run out of fux to give. Not all the time about everything, but certainly a less heightened response. When it comes to what we create, well, that's like someone calling your child ugly. It hurts in a different way. It's something we birthed to share with the world, and hopefully bring enjoyment. But then, you realize: Who cares? That's someone else's worthless opinion. And it's also someone else's worthless opinion when it's praise. What it comes down to is how you feel about what you do and why you do it. If you're solid in that, both the praise and the pans will have less of an effect. Was it Eleanor Roosevelt who said what others think of her is none of her business? That. Of course, now everyone wants to make their opinion public. They want us and everyone to know every thought they have. But, so what? I may not like how they decorated their house, how they apply their makeup, their poor grammar. We can all judge. We just need to learn to stop looking outside for the validation we seek and find satisfaction in what we do and how we do it instead. Not easy. But, as we run out of fux, there's room for that. It's something we learn to do over time. We become the Hermit. It's kind of groovy. xo
This is so true! I recently made myself a Goodreads account and discovered that my all-time favorite book received less-than-stellar reviews. Some of them were particularly scathing! This book has been with me for decades. It's the book that inspired me to pursue my dream of writing, the one book that I'll make sure to take with me in case of a fire, so to see that not everyone is as enamored by her work was initially strange. And then I laughed because I realized just how absurd it was for me to think that everyone would share my tastes. But I have to admit that it also made me breathe a little easier because if some people think that her work isn't good (and I still think it is), then maybe I don't have to feel too bad when others say the same thing about my writing. Maybe I can afford to be a little kinder to myself as I continue to write and improve my craft.
This = will be noodling for some time: "This isn’t a card about seclusion, but rather about discovery. The Hermit’s list of hobbies includes uncovering truths, arriving at epiphanies, and shattering paradigms." A beautiful reminder of why alone time, quiet time...is sacred. And necessary. Thank you, dear Caroline, for your depth of insight and gorgeous words. xo
The card reading always makes me smile. You have such a good way of getting at something universal and encouraging in each one, especially for writers. Looking forward to the next!
Loved this post! I am the hermit with a thousand passions and a million projects. I'm in my fifties and yeah, it's my experience that shortly after fifty is when it became far less relevant what people think of me. I have a better appreciation than ever for a world full of differing perspectives, rotten days, and unique background experiences. Not everyone likes me, or has the same taste as me. That's okay. So if I want to wear colorful ankle socks with my Birkenstocks, I will, because that what makes my feet feel good. People sometimes don't get my art, which doesn't feel great. But I'm starting to realize that some pieces might only be for me. And at this age I've made so very many lovely mistakes in my life that I want to give more attention to my mindset and what I can keep learning than to relying on others' approval to make me happy. That's what I'm working on anyway!
Caroline ~ “The secret of being a writer: not to expect others to value what you've done as you value it. Not to expect anyone else to perceive in it the emotions you have invested in it. Once this is understood, all will be well. (She wants to think!)”
i
From Joyce Carol Oates excellent Substack article, “An Unexpected Intimacy.”
Boy it really is motivating and heartening to read these terrible reviews of such great and important works!
So happy to revisit this post, Caroline. Especially as it encourages us to pay little heed to critics. If someone doesn't like your work, that is ONE person's opinion. We are wired to tune into the negative and critical voices but imagine if we only filtered in the positive? We need to take stock of all the data, both good and bad, and select carefully which we decide to listen to. And the Hermit! My daughter and I have taken to pulling a card for each other each week (thanks for the inspo!) and this week I pulled The Hermit for her. Your reflections were spot on and since she is a subscriber too, I am so happy she will read your words. Especially this: "You are you—essence and wonder and breath and being. What better world is there to explore?"
I recently re-read a book that I loved a decade ago. Paragraphs are underlined and sections are starred and pages are dogeared. I recommended this book to many friends. And yet, when I picked it up again, I couldn't get into it. The writing now sounded flat and the metaphors felt flimsy. I was shocked. I so adored this book and now ... nothing. Art can resonate, or not. And sometimes that is simply a factor of when and where it meets us. I'm glad the author wrote that book. I so needed it ten years ago. And current day me was happy enough to pick up another book. Ever onwards.
I can happily confirm that we run out of fux to give. Not all the time about everything, but certainly a less heightened response. When it comes to what we create, well, that's like someone calling your child ugly. It hurts in a different way. It's something we birthed to share with the world, and hopefully bring enjoyment. But then, you realize: Who cares? That's someone else's worthless opinion. And it's also someone else's worthless opinion when it's praise. What it comes down to is how you feel about what you do and why you do it. If you're solid in that, both the praise and the pans will have less of an effect. Was it Eleanor Roosevelt who said what others think of her is none of her business? That. Of course, now everyone wants to make their opinion public. They want us and everyone to know every thought they have. But, so what? I may not like how they decorated their house, how they apply their makeup, their poor grammar. We can all judge. We just need to learn to stop looking outside for the validation we seek and find satisfaction in what we do and how we do it instead. Not easy. But, as we run out of fux, there's room for that. It's something we learn to do over time. We become the Hermit. It's kind of groovy. xo
Fux is definitely my new favorite plural (also loved everything else you had to say-- and you too, Caroline!)
Hi. You okay? Missed your Sunday letter yesterday....
Hi! Yes, thank you for checking. I wasn’t feeling well and needed to take a weekend. But I’ll be sending out an issue later this week. ❤️
Loved this! Thanks, as always, for your thoughtful map of words of affirmation. I admire the way that you show up so intentionally in your craft.
Needed to hear this, esp the card for the week. Feels spot on. Love your interpretation of these cards! Thanks a lot! 🩷
Not rushing you. Truly just checking on you. That being said, I definitely look forward to the letter whenever it comes out!
I appreciate it! I’m touched that you noticed. And very glad you look forward to it.
This is so true! I recently made myself a Goodreads account and discovered that my all-time favorite book received less-than-stellar reviews. Some of them were particularly scathing! This book has been with me for decades. It's the book that inspired me to pursue my dream of writing, the one book that I'll make sure to take with me in case of a fire, so to see that not everyone is as enamored by her work was initially strange. And then I laughed because I realized just how absurd it was for me to think that everyone would share my tastes. But I have to admit that it also made me breathe a little easier because if some people think that her work isn't good (and I still think it is), then maybe I don't have to feel too bad when others say the same thing about my writing. Maybe I can afford to be a little kinder to myself as I continue to write and improve my craft.
This = will be noodling for some time: "This isn’t a card about seclusion, but rather about discovery. The Hermit’s list of hobbies includes uncovering truths, arriving at epiphanies, and shattering paradigms." A beautiful reminder of why alone time, quiet time...is sacred. And necessary. Thank you, dear Caroline, for your depth of insight and gorgeous words. xo
The card reading always makes me smile. You have such a good way of getting at something universal and encouraging in each one, especially for writers. Looking forward to the next!