I spent the last week wrestling with whether to publish, and what to say.
The state of the world has left me heartbroken. The internet is never short on discourse nor distractions, and it didn’t feel helpful to add to the din.
Then the weekend arrived with an answer: We said goodbye to our beloved dog, Mia, my best friend for nearly 16 years and very favorite being. She was truly one of a kind—a massive ball of joy and ire, packed in a six-pound form. We miss her immeasurably.
There is so much I want to write, but right now, there are no words. It feels like I am moving underwater, the world unfolding in slow motion.
Yesterday, I was exiting the neighborhood drug store and was confused as to why the automated door wouldn’t open. I backed up and approached it again. I waved my arms, trying to activate the sensor. I continued this way, marching to and fro, putting on a whole five-minute show for a small crowd of people, before I realized I was trying to “exit” through the door that was clearly marked “enter.”
Have I mentioned this is a place I go—and leave—almost every day?
So, that’s how I’m doing.
I am using this week to focus on listening, observing, and writing, without trying to produce simply for the sake of a schedule. (Or to clutter up your inbox with half baked work.) I’ll be back soon.
For anyone who has one-on-one readings booked in the coming days, seeing your faces is always a joyful experience (truly a highlight of my week!) and I will absolutely be there.
Thank you, as always, for reading. I am deeply grateful for this community and am sending you love, wherever you are.
x Caroline
I lost my dog on Sunday as well. It has been crushing. We had one night in our new home. I am in the same space of you having something really great happening, and losing Obi unexpectedly. One step at a time. I have listened to pet loss podcasts that have been really helpful. Hope you are checking those out too.
Big hugs ... for the very personal loss and the global pain ...
I happened to read Hattie Chrisell's piece right before yours and it does a great job of articulating thoughts about when there are no words around loss. You might resonate: https://inwriting.substack.com/p/on-love-loss-and-a-third-thing