32 Comments
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Patryce's avatar

“For years, it never occurred to me that these hot takes were not mine to hold, never mind that they might not be accurate.” Yes. This. All of it! Always love how your words reach me Caroline, thanks for putting these thoughts out there!

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Caroline Cala Donofrio's avatar

Thank you so much, Patryce!

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EBeth's avatar

"Like many of us, this person carries some unhealthy, not to mention wildly inaccurate, views gifted unto them by family members." Caroline, please stop writing such on-the-nose sentences! :D Seriously, I fight this all the time...sigh...good essay!

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Caroline Cala Donofrio's avatar

Thank you, thank you! (Two thank you's — one for the comment and one for being a subscriber.) I appreciate you!

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Eileen's avatar

This one struck home. I had recently been thinking about this. Which descriptors had been used, which did I agree with then and now, and did I respect the person who said it aloud then and now. I appreciate you flipping it around, too, to focus on my own spoken aloud descriptors of others. I needed that perspective. Thanks for the thoughtful writing!

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Julie G.'s avatar

This essay reminded me of a poem featured in K-drama « Because it’s my first life ».

« Words are born in someone’s mouth and die in another’s ears.

But some words don’t die;

They go inside someone’s mind and live on. »

Park Joon (2017) Nothing will change although I cry

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Maddy's avatar

Oooh, this one hits home. I am still unlearning others' not so hot takes about how I perceive myself, but bit by bit I'm letting them all go. Your finishing words: "These are the times when I am most myself — not a person so much as motion, energy, potential. Pure and whole and free" was gorgeous.

ps: as someone who is also fond of sloths, they *do* have their merits dammit!

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Caroline Cala Donofrio's avatar

Thank you, Maddy! The end of your comment made me laugh, but IT'S TRUE. Sloths are cute, sure, but also relaxed. And move at their own pace. Are these not things to aspire to? Is that not more than one can say about a whole lot of humans?

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Sandra Ann Miller's avatar

Great piece, Caroline. I wonder what would happen if we only believed the good things said about us, even for a day. And knew that anything negative was just bullshit. What would that be like? xo

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Caroline Cala Donofrio's avatar

Oh, I wonder that, too. Sort of like "Eternal Sunshine" but for unwelcome negative feedback. What a novel (and unfamiliar) experience that would be!

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Hillary Sobel's avatar

This is just an inspired post, from beginning to end. I shared it with my Creators Circle and know that they too will find it similarly inspiring. Thank you for all of this.

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Caroline Cala Donofrio's avatar

Thank you so much, Hillary! I really appreciate it.

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Melissa's avatar

This week's newsletter resonated with me. Big time. Thank you and I hope you feel better soon.

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Melissa's avatar

Feel better--and just a note that I love the recordings!

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Caroline Cala Donofrio's avatar

Thank you! And I'm so glad to hear that — thanks for listening!

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Audra's avatar

Grateful. Timely. Raw.

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Lucy's avatar

I met someone today with such different values and life goals than me. A teacher I never would have expected. Interesting and worthy, nonetheless.

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Valérie's avatar

Take care and thanks to keep writing and sharing and being one of our teachers.

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Caroline Cala Donofrio's avatar

Thank you, Valérie!

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Lizzie C's avatar

Thank you for sharing the delightful “Things I have drawn” account!

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Caroline Cala Donofrio's avatar

I'm so glad you like it!

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Meg Wardle's avatar

It’s me, too. Loved this 💛

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Caroline Cala Donofrio's avatar

Thank you, Meg ❤️

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Samantha Chesler's avatar

So good! So resonant. Yes to turning inward, yes to tuning out the voices we did not invite but have digested, yes to being our own teacher. Thank you Caroline.

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Israel Sanchez's avatar

Is there something in the air? Speaking of getting rid of things that weigh you down, a couple of weeks ago I wrote about letting things go that don't "fit."

https://isanchez.substack.com/p/when-the-shoes-dont-fit

Always appreciate reading your work.

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Caroline Cala Donofrio's avatar

Thank you, and thanks for sharing, Israel. Happy to have found your work and excited to keep reading!

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Israel Sanchez's avatar

Thank you so much, Caroline! I really appreciate it,

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Hillary Sobel's avatar

Oh my god, your post on things that don't fit. It hit home in more ways than I expected. You've got a new subscriber. Thanks, Israel.

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Israel Sanchez's avatar

Thanks so much, Hillary! I really appreciate it. Looking forward to reading your work. I'm glad my post was helpful.

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Hillary Sobel's avatar

Thank you for your early support. I'm very excited to begin writing on substack. I've been writing and posting on LinkedIn and I'm working on a book of essays.

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Israel Sanchez's avatar

That's fantastic! I'm working on a memoir about my early life and immigration story. Happy writing!

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Hillary Sobel's avatar

That's wonderful and I look forward to reading it. Happy writing to you as well.

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