I Love You, Keep Going

and other words of encouragement.

Every week, I intend to finish the newsletter before the weekend arrives and schedule its publication ahead of time. And every week, no matter how hard I try, I wind up working on it until the very last second. Ideas pop up, sentences float into my mind. I’ll want to add one thing and change another. I once read that things tend to take the exact amount of time that you have, and I often find it to be true.

As this weekend had me (quite literally) running all over the city, laptop and internet out of reach, I had limited time to tinker. But luckily, today’s installment was largely written by you. :)

I noticed something funny on the marathon course today. One phrase kept making a repeat appearance on spectator signs. (Care to wager a guess?) It was none other than the subject of the newsletter that preceded this one: “We can do hard things.”

To that end, here are twelve readers’ personal rituals, mantras, and philosophies for confronting hard things — those we choose, those beyond our control, and those that take us by surprise.

“I once read a Dutch phrase that has been oddly comforting to me (and my anxiety): Don’t fret; it will happen differently anyway. Ha! Isn’t that the case so often?” —Chelsea  

“I’d been looking for a mantra to get me through long runs or hard days. Then I watched a documentary about the Kenyan running training camp in Iten and saw the slogan above their clubhouse: ‘Think progress, not perfection.’ This is now my anchor. It doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be the best run ever, or the most amazing piece of work you've ever done, but every step is helping you build towards something. When things get hard, I think about that piece of progress, no matter how small, that I will have made by not giving up.” —Rebecca

“In hard times, I have found it very helpful to acknowledge that they are, indeed, hard. After my separation from my husband, I would lie in bed, terrified, and clutch my heart, saying to myself: This is so hard. This hurts. I am in pain. No ‘everything happens for a reason,’ no ‘I will learn so much from this.’ It felt grounding and liberating to accept the humiliation, the loneliness, and the fear. It also helped to think of all the other people lying in their beds at the same time, clutching their hearts. It made me feel less alone.” —Katrin

“My own personal philosophy is that life is like a pearl necklace. Our job is to collect the pearls. Each pearl resembles a moment: perfect, wise, perhaps significant in what it teaches us. But you have to pay attention to find them. A full life is a life lived collecting all the pearls and wearing them both proudly and bravely.” —Samantha

“My life was filled with hard things over the past few years, including miscarriage, a difficult pregnancy in a pandemic, a traumatic birth with PPD and PTSD requiring exposure therapy. (Happy to say I am doing much better these days, due in part to friends who had been through similar situations.) One of the things I kept coming back to was Lin Manuel Miranda's book, Gmorning, Gnight! I would spend five minutes every morning listening to the birds and the breeze and then choose a page for that day. One in particular spoke to me:
Harvest your strengths and your joys
Water and sunlight to the best in you.” —Ayla

“A mantra that I've found useful to revisit when feeling stressed or anxious, and feel the emotions stopping me from living my life to the fullest, is the ‘Litany Against Fear’ from the novel Dune:
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." —Nikhil

“I tend to think of events and experiences as chapters in the book of my life and when something unexpectedly happens — good or bad — I'll think, ‘plot twist!’ Similarly when something expected happens, I'll think, ‘Well, there was a lot of foreshadowing..." This step back and consideration from an author or reader's P.O.V. usually helps me get perspective.” —EBeth

“When going through a difficult diagnosis last year, I kept remembering this quote I read from Sylvia Plath: ‘One has to shut off that nagging part of the mind and go on without it with bravo and philosophy.’ She was speaking of a different type of illness — depression — but it stuck with me. Even now that I’m thankfully doing much better, going on ‘with bravo and philosophy’ remains my go-to response for challenges big (How will I get through another sickness?) and small (How can I look my colleague in the virtual eye after my abysmal small talk fail?).” —Anonymous

“I often return to two mantras: ‘The only way out is through’ and ‘You can always choose again.’” —Elisabeth

“The last couple of weeks have been very tough for me, but two things have made a difference and might help others, too. The first is starting my day with this breathwork meditation by Manoj Dias. I find it especially helpful for days when getting out of bed feels impossible. The second is to try to prioritize rest as much as possible. What helps me to actually fall asleep is listening to audio books while holding a hot water bottle.” —Anonymous

“For many years now, my mantra has been, ‘This is what you have been waiting for,’ a line pulled from Marie Howe's poem ‘The Gate.’ Her younger brother, who died of AIDS, used to say it to her. It reminds me to take stock of all I have right now and let it bring me joy instead of lingering in the past or waiting for the next milestone of the future.” —Marie

“If I’m particularly disappointed or anxious about something out of my control, I remind myself of a quote my mom has often said to me: ‘Lo que es para ti, nadie te lo quita’ which translates to ‘What is meant to be yours, no one can take away.’

I also love this mantra one of my yoga teachers closes her classes with: ‘I love you, keep going. I love you, keep going. I love you, keep going.’” —Alex

Thank you so much for sharing your words and stories. I appreciated everyone’s thoughtful responses and regret I don’t have the space to publish them all. If you have anything more you’d like to add, please feel free to share in the comments.

Until next week… x

It was a fun thing, until it was a hard thing.

Card of the Week

Here is this week’s card for the collective, as well as some thoughts to carry into the days ahead. As most modern readers will tell you, the tarot is not about fortunetelling, nor is it about neat, definitive answers. The cards are simply one path to reflection, a way of better knowing ourselves and others through universal themes. If this reading resonates with you, great! And if not, no worries. Take whatever may be helpful and leave the rest.

Featuring The UV Tarot Deck, illustrated by Violet Aveline

It’s often said that the Two of Pentacles is a card about balance. But really, it’s a card about juggling. It’s about managing multiple tasks, responsibilities, identities. Feeling pulled in multiple directions. Leading multiple lives.

This happens a lot in life, conflating balance with juggling. We say we are working to “achieve balance” when what we actually mean is that we’re desperately pursuing some elusive brand of stasis that can’t possibly exist within a busy, modern existence.

You may be tackling that age-old challenge: work/life balance. You might be struggling with questions of where and how to spend your time. You might be grappling with how to stay true to yourself if it means disappointing someone else. Perhaps the guilt is creeping in because it’s impossible to devote yourself to everything, everywhere, all at once.

The Two of Pentacles hears all of that. And it would like us to replace our quest for balance with another b-word: boundaries. YOU get to define your boundaries. And you get to uphold them.

Personal boundaries are for your own protection. Whether they are physical or emotional, around work or family or friends, they are dictated by your own comfort.

If you sometimes have a difficult time defining or enforcing said boundaries, the Two of Pentacles has a challenge for you. Imagine that you are a toddler. This toddler is utterly in touch with their needs and feelings and not afraid to let everyone know. Is someone encroaching on your personal space? “GO AWAY!” says the toddler. Did someone take credit for your idea? “IT’S MINE!” yells the toddler. Obviously, you need not adopt this phrasing. But do remember that the toddler would not entertain work emails during personal time or remain at a table with a dinner date who insults them.

This card also reminds us that both boundaries and balance are going to look different for each of us. Some people need more quiet. Some people need more stimulation. Time and energy are limited resources, and our paths, priorities, and preferences are not the same.

By definition, “balance” means a state where “elements are in equal or correct proportions.” It would be impossible for all elements in life to be equal, or to remain that way in perpetuity. But it might be worth considering what correct proportions look like — for you. Can you add more of what’s needed? Can you subtract some of what’s not?

The Two of Pentacles has some questions. What are you currently juggling? What are you trying to prove? Who is it for? Where do you factor in on your list of priorities? Can you give yourself a break?

You don’t need to do it all to be good enough. You don’t need to win to be worthy. You don’t need to hold onto everything all at once — the past, present, future, plus some baggage that maybe isn’t your own. Put down that heavy load, if only for a moment. Feel the ground beneath you and the sky above. This, too, is balance.

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