This Phrase Has Taken Over the World

...and a call for advice.

In recent days, there is one phrase I’ve encountered more than any other.

I’ve seen it emblazoned on mugs, notebooks, apparel, and every imaginable piece of merch. It tumbles from the mouths of friends, colleagues, and celebrated figures, in speeches and pep talks and casual conversations.

“WE CAN DO HARD THINGS” has taken the world by storm. Not since “JUST DO IT” have a few small syllables managed to pack such a punch.

If you’ve read Glennon Doyle’s Untamed, you are no doubt aware of its provenance. Ditto for listeners of the We Can Do Hard Things podcast (which is anchored by the We Can Do Hard Things theme song). But its use isn’t limited to those inducted into the Glennosphere.

“What a cute phrase!” remarked a friend when she spied it written on a stranger’s water bottle. “I love that! We CAN do hard things!”

Of course, Doyle is certainly not the first person to recognize the prevalence of difficult times, nor our ability to get through them. But if this phrase has struck such a universal chord, it can only be because it was needed.

Hard things happen, to all of us. In every form, in every season.

As I’ve heard this phrase spoken over and over, what I’ve found myself wondering is not whether we can do hard things. (Certainly that point has been made.) But rather, how do we do them?

So, I decided to do some digging (yes, I did google “how to do hard things,” which was amusing but not particularly helpful) and came up with a few universal ideas.

One step at a time.
Take it one day, one segment, one step, one moment at a time. When facing an impossible task, it helps to break it down into small, actionable steps. This is as true for intellectual and physical undertakings, like dissertations and marathons as it is for emotional ones, like heartbreak and grief. There’s no need to get ahead of yourself. Take care of yourself in this moment. Focus on what you need, or what you can do, today. The next step, the next stage, the next mile will be waiting for you whenever you’re ready.

Hold fast to tiny anchors.
Back in August, The New York Times asked readers to share their “non-negotiables,” the small, habitual actions one takes to help improve their health. Over 2,000 people responded, and last week, they published the findings. (Worth a read if you’re a subscriber or willing to sacrifice one of your free monthly articles.) The answers range from eating on the fancy plates to reading Nancy Drew for five minutes a day to counting every yellow door in an effort to stay more present. I found them both affirming and inspiring in their simplicity.

I’ve long called such practices my “tiny anchors” — the little rituals that keep us grounded and connected, as an anchor does for a floating craft. Whether it’s a morning walk, writing in a journal, or a favorite warm beverage, our personal rituals can be ports in a storm, the tools that grant us a moment of presence or offer respite against the currents of our days.

A tiny kitten… and its tiny anchor!

Employ reason.
Just because we can do hard things doesn’t mean we want to. The Hedonic Principle states that human beings are wired to seek out things and experiences that make us feel good, and to avoid things that make us feel uncomfortable. This means we’ll often opt for the easy, known, or convenient choice, even when it may not be better for us in the long run.

When you’re faced with a hard thing, it can help if you frame the situation to highlight the incentive waiting on the other side. This might mean saying something like, “I’ll feel so much better once I…” or “It will be healthier for me to…” and then acting accordingly. As much as your brain may want to avoid discomfort, it also wants the best outcome.

Establish a mantra.
In its Hindu and Buddhist origins, a mantra is a sound or syllable (often sacred in nature) repeated in meditation. When someone in the West advises to use a mantra, what they typically mean is a short statement you can repeat, whether aloud or internally, in times of need. Almost like a personal slogan.

“One step at a time.”
“Control what you can, then go with the flow.”
“Mind over matter.”

And of course, there’s always, “We can do hard things.”

At the end of the day, though, words are just words. The trick is to find a phrase that connects to something deep within you, and to harness the feeling behind it. I’ve found great comfort in phrases that are a short encapsulation of a larger, deeper truth. Like this favorite from therapist and Buddhist teacher Sylvia Boorstein: “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”

Find camaraderie.
It seems worthy to note that it isn’t “I can do hard things” or “you can do hard things,” but rather “we can do hard things.”

We we we. There is strength in numbers. Even when we cannot see them.

It often helps to remember that we are not alone in whatever we’re going through (even when it seems like it). We are likely not the first to encounter this feeling. Whether we find solace in the company of friends, loved ones, or in support groups — virtually or in person — connection can provide a bridge that gets us through.

I’ve always found camaraderie in books, particularly memoirs written by authors who have gone through similar experiences, who write about similar emotions. Thank goodness for literary companionship.

In the spirit of camaraderie, I want to know: How have you dealt with hard things? Are there any quotes, rituals, or words of advice you’ve found to be especially helpful? What keeps you moving forward?

Because as wonderful as universal tips are, it would be amazing to round up some specifics for our collective benefit.

If you’d like to contribute, you can leave a comment below, reply via email, or send me a DM. (Please let me know if you’d like to remain anonymous, otherwise I’ll credit with first names.)

Stay tuned for Part Two…

Card of the Week

Here is this week’s card for the collective, as well as some thoughts to carry into the days ahead. As most modern readers will tell you, the tarot is not about fortunetelling, nor is it about neat, definitive answers. The cards are simply one path to reflection, a way of better knowing ourselves and others through universal themes. If this reading resonates with you, great! And if not, no worries. Take whatever may be helpful and leave the rest.

Featuring the Daughters of the Moon Tarot by Ffiona Morgan

If you had a magic wand — the kind from myths and fantasy novels, where simply pointing it would wield the power to change anything — what would you do with it?

What would you change? What would you create?

Of course, no such tool exists. But answering this question can help offer some clarity as to where we might apply our own forms of magic.

The Magician (also known as The Magus, or here, The Witch) is a card of deliberate action. It’s a symbol of pure manifestation, a celebration of those times when we harness the intangible and bring it to life.

Magic comes in many forms. Though it is often dismissed as belonging to the realm of hocus-pocus, true magic is anything that inspires belief. It is anything that isn’t (yet) fully understood. When you get right down to it, magic is about inspiration — both the kind that visits us unbidden, and the kind we rouse in others.

Just as magic comes in many forms, so do its practitioners. Sure, there are wizards and performance artists and illusionists. But doctors, parents, artists, friends, teachers, nurses, chefs — I’m going to stop listing vocations because we’d be here forever — also bring about wonderful, seemingly miraculous things every day. We are all magicians. And this card wishes to remind us of that.

The Magician knows you are powerful. The question is, do you? They want to see you gather up your knowledge and experience, harness the energy of anticipation, and alchemize it into results.

Maybe you’ve been waffling about which direction to take. Maybe you’ve been stalling on pressing send. Maybe you’ve been procrastinating on a project that means a great deal to you. Whatever the case, the Magician has a message. This is your green light. It’s time to make your move.

At its heart, The Magician is about your ability to create — specifically, your ability to create in your own way. By whatever name, through whatever method feels right to you. The creative process looks different for everyone, and that is part of its beauty.

The Magician is inherently powerful not because they possess some esoteric knowledge, nor because they were anointed as such. They are powerful because they are fully self-actualized. They recognize that each of us has the ability to harness our personal power in the way that only we can.

“Power” is often painted as brute strength or corruptive force. But it comes in many forms. Quiet determination, the pull of intuition, slow and steady, behind-the-scenes — these are versions of power, too.

The Magician wishes to remind us that we are often more capable than we think. We are also more resourceful. Your personal brand of magic is every bit as valid as anyone else’s. Now is the time to ask yourself: What do I wish to create?

So go. Open the door. Pick up the phone. Press publish. Press send. Vote. Speak your mind. Make it count.

It’s time to gather your gumption, gusto, and guile. This is a season of action. And this is your moment.