I loved this entry! A long time ago, someone told me that "ambivalent" doesn't actually mean "mixed" - it means two competing pulls, leaving you in the middle. I still can't decide if she was right or not.
Thank you! That makes sense — considering "ambidextrous" uses both sides and an "ambivert" has both introverted and extroverted qualities, but in each case those traits are more balanced than mixed. I like that way of looking at it. It does a better job capturing the feeling.
Loved this post! The best description of these feelings for me comes courtesy of Phoebe Bridgers: "I have emotional motion sickness, somebody roll the window down."
PS I wish you could tell us the sordid tale of the two who met and now are living a life with kids lol!
I appreciate your thoughts on The Tower card! Reminded me of this James Baldwin quote: “Any real change implies the breakup of the world as one has always known it, the loss of all that gave one an identity, the end of safety.” Though if I remember correctly that comes from an essay where he’s discussing how SLOW the integration of schools in the south happened, i.e. massive resistance to progressive change on a societal level. Hoping we can see quicker and more equitable social change in the coming decade! From where I sit, the tower that is society isn’t working. Let it all fall down!
Well said! Sometimes the dissonance between competing life events is overwhelming and I feel so discombobulated BUT then I remind myself that this is the sign of a full life...which is ultimately a good thing. Yet, sometimes I have to crawl into a figurative hole for awhile until I'm ready to feel the full, multi-layered life again.
That final episode of Insecure! Funny you write about it now, because I've been putting off watching the final season for months because I didn't want it to be over and I finally watched it last week. I cried the entire final episode! i thought it was because of the way the writers managed to capture the nuance of early to mid 30's so perfectly, but if you strip down the specifics, it's right along the lines of what you said—it was so happy and so sad at the same time. And what a scary experience to watch loss and triumph happen in very real ways, ways we'll all experience or that we all have experienced already. The inevitability of pain and joy always manage to remain a surprise to me.
Oh man. The whole series was great, of course, but that last season was effing masterful. I came to care so deeply about every character because of exactly what you said — their joys and pains were different, yet so incredibly similar, to my own. I'm so sad it's over, but excited for that inevitable day when I go back and watch it all over again. Such a gift.
I never ever know what to say when someone asks(even family), “How are you?” And I’ve never been able to figure out what ppl actually mean when they’re asking. Mostly, I think others want to hear ‘good stuff’ or some sort of highlight reel. And yet, I ask it back because we’ve never been taught a better exchg. I’ve started to say, how are you doing today or in this moment? to try and counteract the vastness of the first. Anyway, what do you say to others when you greet them? And how has your own response of ‘lifey’ been received?
Btw love your Tower take. Honestly for me, it always comes as a relief. I’m like alright, there’s nothing left to do but to let go, let it all burn.
Agree with everything you said! In most cases, "How are you?" feels like a pleasantry rather than a legitimate question, where only a pleasant answer is welcome. But I actually appreciate when people respond truthfully! (Whether positive or not.) What is the point of connecting if you aren't going to connect? So I'm with you, I'll usually say, "How are you today?" or even "How is your day so far?" so the response can (hopefully) be a bit more granular. I've also found that in the situations where I've responded candidly, it often inspires a truthful reply. So maybe all we really need is for someone to open the door.
Also, when looking for a new deck how do you avoid buying awful quality and death by a thousand paper cuts and impossible to shuffle? Reviews don’t cut it cause lots of times if the artwork is beautiful, ppl don’t seem to care about the single most important thing when handling cards. Is there a term you look for in description?
Tell me about it! I thankfully haven't encountered this problem too much, but it's really a bummer when it happens.
I'm always happy for an artist when their deck gets picked up by a mainstream publisher, but also sad because it invariably means the quality is going to get worse. (Happened with The Wild Unknown, The Antique Anatomy Tarot, and a bunch of others which were gorgeous when they were indie and are now beautiful, but thin.)
I've found that indie decks, especially when purchased directly from the artist, are almost always high quality. (Often reflected in the price!) Description-wise, I look for "high quality card stock" or "linen coated playing card stock." An artist is typically going to want their work to look its best and won't skimp on materials.
Cards produced by publishers are more of a gamble, while cards sold by big retailers (Amazon, to a lesser degree Etsy) are an even bigger gamble, as apparently there are a lot of counterfeit decks running around with designs reproduced on flimsy paper. If the description leaves something to be desired, make sure there's a decent return policy!
Yes! There are a few shops I love, but Phoenix & Lotus is probably my favorite. (https://phoenixnlotus.com/) They have a wide selection of exclusively indie decks and I really appreciate how in-depth the descriptions are. Plus, if you had a question about anything before buying, I imagine the owner, Jenn, would be happy to answer!
I loved this entry! A long time ago, someone told me that "ambivalent" doesn't actually mean "mixed" - it means two competing pulls, leaving you in the middle. I still can't decide if she was right or not.
Thank you! That makes sense — considering "ambidextrous" uses both sides and an "ambivert" has both introverted and extroverted qualities, but in each case those traits are more balanced than mixed. I like that way of looking at it. It does a better job capturing the feeling.
Loved this post! The best description of these feelings for me comes courtesy of Phoebe Bridgers: "I have emotional motion sickness, somebody roll the window down."
PS I wish you could tell us the sordid tale of the two who met and now are living a life with kids lol!
Thank you, Emma! I love that description. (And I wish I could share that tale, too... maybe someday. 😉)
I appreciate your thoughts on The Tower card! Reminded me of this James Baldwin quote: “Any real change implies the breakup of the world as one has always known it, the loss of all that gave one an identity, the end of safety.” Though if I remember correctly that comes from an essay where he’s discussing how SLOW the integration of schools in the south happened, i.e. massive resistance to progressive change on a societal level. Hoping we can see quicker and more equitable social change in the coming decade! From where I sit, the tower that is society isn’t working. Let it all fall down!
Life is complex and forever changing! When being ask how I am doing, I respond truthfully.
Well said! Sometimes the dissonance between competing life events is overwhelming and I feel so discombobulated BUT then I remind myself that this is the sign of a full life...which is ultimately a good thing. Yet, sometimes I have to crawl into a figurative hole for awhile until I'm ready to feel the full, multi-layered life again.
That final episode of Insecure! Funny you write about it now, because I've been putting off watching the final season for months because I didn't want it to be over and I finally watched it last week. I cried the entire final episode! i thought it was because of the way the writers managed to capture the nuance of early to mid 30's so perfectly, but if you strip down the specifics, it's right along the lines of what you said—it was so happy and so sad at the same time. And what a scary experience to watch loss and triumph happen in very real ways, ways we'll all experience or that we all have experienced already. The inevitability of pain and joy always manage to remain a surprise to me.
Oh man. The whole series was great, of course, but that last season was effing masterful. I came to care so deeply about every character because of exactly what you said — their joys and pains were different, yet so incredibly similar, to my own. I'm so sad it's over, but excited for that inevitable day when I go back and watch it all over again. Such a gift.
I never ever know what to say when someone asks(even family), “How are you?” And I’ve never been able to figure out what ppl actually mean when they’re asking. Mostly, I think others want to hear ‘good stuff’ or some sort of highlight reel. And yet, I ask it back because we’ve never been taught a better exchg. I’ve started to say, how are you doing today or in this moment? to try and counteract the vastness of the first. Anyway, what do you say to others when you greet them? And how has your own response of ‘lifey’ been received?
Btw love your Tower take. Honestly for me, it always comes as a relief. I’m like alright, there’s nothing left to do but to let go, let it all burn.
Agree with everything you said! In most cases, "How are you?" feels like a pleasantry rather than a legitimate question, where only a pleasant answer is welcome. But I actually appreciate when people respond truthfully! (Whether positive or not.) What is the point of connecting if you aren't going to connect? So I'm with you, I'll usually say, "How are you today?" or even "How is your day so far?" so the response can (hopefully) be a bit more granular. I've also found that in the situations where I've responded candidly, it often inspires a truthful reply. So maybe all we really need is for someone to open the door.
Also, when looking for a new deck how do you avoid buying awful quality and death by a thousand paper cuts and impossible to shuffle? Reviews don’t cut it cause lots of times if the artwork is beautiful, ppl don’t seem to care about the single most important thing when handling cards. Is there a term you look for in description?
Tell me about it! I thankfully haven't encountered this problem too much, but it's really a bummer when it happens.
I'm always happy for an artist when their deck gets picked up by a mainstream publisher, but also sad because it invariably means the quality is going to get worse. (Happened with The Wild Unknown, The Antique Anatomy Tarot, and a bunch of others which were gorgeous when they were indie and are now beautiful, but thin.)
I've found that indie decks, especially when purchased directly from the artist, are almost always high quality. (Often reflected in the price!) Description-wise, I look for "high quality card stock" or "linen coated playing card stock." An artist is typically going to want their work to look its best and won't skimp on materials.
Cards produced by publishers are more of a gamble, while cards sold by big retailers (Amazon, to a lesser degree Etsy) are an even bigger gamble, as apparently there are a lot of counterfeit decks running around with designs reproduced on flimsy paper. If the description leaves something to be desired, make sure there's a decent return policy!
Oh good advice! Is there a place you shop that only sells indie decks?
Yes! There are a few shops I love, but Phoenix & Lotus is probably my favorite. (https://phoenixnlotus.com/) They have a wide selection of exclusively indie decks and I really appreciate how in-depth the descriptions are. Plus, if you had a question about anything before buying, I imagine the owner, Jenn, would be happy to answer!
Will check it out! Thanks!