Your post made me think of one of my favorite Proust passages about how each person who knows us sees a different version of ourselves:
"But then, even in the most insignificant details of our daily life, none of us can be said to constitute a material whole, which is identical for everyone, and need only be turned up like a page in an account-book or the record of a will; our social personality is created by the thoughts of other people. Even the simple act which we describe as "seeing some one we know" is, to some extent, an intellectual process. We pack the physical outline of the creature we see with all the ideas we have already formed about him, and in the complete picture of him which we compose in our minds those ideas have certainly the principal place. "
Oooooh, Caroline, this is one of my favorite-ever of yours! In our sister lives we are rockstars in the same band or in bands that tour together. Yay! And here's to the ghosts yet to come. I'm excited for your future ghost. Wishing you grace and ease on this move. And joy and tenderness and delight for what's yet to come! ❤️
I loved every word. Packing is a pain and sparking joy comes with lots of other emotions. I went back home after 4 years in Australia, and left everything as I left it. I spent a week tidying up and decluttering, and it was exhausting!! I remember all those 'past me' and 'wishful thinking me'. I had to many dresses I bought because they reminded me of my future ideal self, and those dresses never got to be worn, and never will (by me, at least!)
Wow you write so beautifully, and ironically, as I did a full moon ritual last night and was releasing parts of myself, I found myself wanting to release my "sister lives." I have this idea that in another life, things would be less painful or complicated or difficult if only I'd chosen the right path. Seems very silly typing it, but I love that you resonate with looking into these lives as you move.
As someone who has moved 5 times in 10 years, I feel you.
Caroline, this is probably my favorite essay of all of the beautiful writings of yours that I’ve read! Absolutely breathtaking! The sister lives sentiment from Cheryl Strayed (Tiny Beautiful Things is one of my all-time favorite books) layered onto your experience of packing and moving make for a beautifully resonant read. I wish you all best with your decluttering and upcoming shift - as you say, it’s an act of hope!
Read this after finishing "The Husbands" (similar vibes to Midnight Library) - the ghosts of possibility are some of the scariest and exciting yet. Thanks for writing, Caroline!
Moving is a pain in the ass...but it's so wonderful to shed the stuff we no longer need. And, somehow, *only* a move can make us confront it, with minimal negotiation. I hope it's going smoothly and that you are so happy in your new home, Caroline. xo
I have moved more times than I care to count. I am at the point of needing to move again and do not look forward to it. A piece of advice HOA's are evil and controlling stay far,far away from them. Some of my moves were quick and painless, those days when I was young and could afford little in the way of things but yes like you Caroline my books have always moved with me. They are vital. In thinking about this move and how much I don't want to do it I realized that the moves I liked were the those that looked toward the future and growth. We moved from Chicago to a close suburb and I was pregnant with my first child. Our new home was a cottage with trees and the sound of frogs at night. I was nesting and moving into my first single family home made me happy. There is always life to contend with and tragedy made an appearance just one week before we moved but I actually think that the move helped by adding necessary work to help me with a loss I had not expected. All my babies (3) came home to that cottage and we walked the neighborhood and I began to feel at home. We would grow out of that sweet house and the second move was not easy but welcome, with three boys we were bursting at the seams. I told my husband this was our forever house and I would never move again.
Don't ever say never. The boys grew and moved and their father decided he did not like this life we had made and he moved leaving me with a large empty nest and days of tears. I did eventually move back to Chicago but found the city I loved in my twenties was isolating as an adult and an adult with Celiac disease. Friends would get together for meals that I could rarely join. I moved back to a house with a garden and thought it would be a good house to welcome the grandchildren. I never had to move again. I said it once, never rarely works out. I am once again house hunting and unlike that little cottage this is just something I have to do not what I want to do. I wander around, yes I really wander the closets, the basement, the garage. I have too much stuff! I know I do and I know I have to get rid of it but so many things hold a memory. I recently bought a jumper with a little jacket but it needed a blouse to go under the jumper ( I have told myself I would not buy any more clothes but it's so pretty and unusual that I just had to) I had the perfect one in my closet and it was years old! How old? Remember Notting Hill and the teal blouse Julia Roberts wears to the birthday party? I bought this blouse right after I saw that movie because it looks like that top. So getting rid of things isn't always for the best. I realize I'm grasping at straws and how did we get from moving to Julia Robert's blouse? I think we were saying how hard it is to move but the best moves are those where we are moving toward something, we are moving because we're growing and it's exciting. The hardest moves are those that happen because your world has gotten smaller and therefore you space is smaller. I wasn't prepared for my life to have gotten smaller because I have gotten older. Our society doesn't handle ageing well. I thought I would but I'm still working on it and getting away from an HOA who thinks they can tell me what flowers I'm ALLOWED to plant is a good step. First I have to get rid of stuff!
This is beautiful. I am in the same spot as you right now: moving to a new home. I'm also starting a new job soon. This by far has been the most emotional move yet - it was so reassuring to feel connected to another in the chaos and hope of it all.
Of the things of yours that I’ve read, this is the best. My favorite so far. And I think that Queen coming up is diving timing for you, as well as the rest of us. Moving SUUUUUCKS, OMG. The last time I moved was 10 years ago, and I hired movers because it was so worth it to me. This is the longest I’ve been in any house, and I have no plans to leave until I go into the assisted living phase of life. While I was unpacking things for the pantry, I found a box of rice that had expired 10 years before we moved. So, that rice traveled to THREE places!! LORD! Since then, I have made conscious choices to get rid of things that I’m just not going to eat/use/display (apart from the seasonal decor, and even some of that!). I Kondo’d my clothes during the pandemic and the upside of that is that folding my clothes the Kondo way does in fact make it easier to wear more of them than stacking them. I’m getting a long awaited breast reduction on the 26th and I am SO EXCITED to wear some of the tops that I loved in earlier/smaller-boobed (though admittedly the smallest I’ve been since college was a D) years and also freaking t-shirts! I cannot wear but 3 of the drawer of t-shirts I own because they’re uncomfortable. I’m heading to a C cup from a J! CAN’T WAIT.
ANYWAY, I used to have so many books, and I got rid of a lot of them - donated them to the local library. As a person who’s major was English literature, I have always said I’d want a library, but at the same time, I am not a re-reader, so as much as love to read, weirdly, books are not something I am invested in.
This past week, I’ve spoken SO much about our impending move in early 2025 (hopefully), including coming clean to our landlord who handed us a new lease. And now I’ve read two moving Substack posts this morning. I’m completely inspired by this future ghost idea of yours, you have no idea. Your loads of books are my loads of vinyl (2300 LPs + 4400 7”) but TBH everything else I own could get left behind. This next chapter feels more like a different book, different author, different genre.
You can never have too many books and they are 100% worth the strained back and arms! Good luck getting to the other side of the move, which will be worth it in the end.
Just brilliant Caroline! My best start to a somewhat 'samey' Monday morning. Your words invoked so many new thoughts, some I know have never entered my mind before and have literally opened new 'realms' for me to think about in regard to who I am, who I was and who I could or, importantly will be. Having made a massive life changing move from the UK to Spain almost 9 years ago now I have been feeling very restless as if 'something' is telling me it is time for the next chapter. This piece brought back so many memories and thoughts of all those ghosts we too encountered back then and sent off to the ghost landfill of life. I know I've got 9 years worth of different ghosts stuffed away here again that I swore would never happen and some of them need to go find new homes. Thank you for finding the time in your busy day to write and share such meaningful words, especially the excellent card interpretation!
When I moved permanently from the UK to New Zealand, I gave away about 95% of what I owned. It felt like a massive catharsis and life review. I haven't missed most of what I let go of, but every now and then I think perhaps I was a bit over-zealous. Parts of my history are gone. The one thing I couldn't part with was books though. Resonating a lot with your process.
Your post made me think of one of my favorite Proust passages about how each person who knows us sees a different version of ourselves:
"But then, even in the most insignificant details of our daily life, none of us can be said to constitute a material whole, which is identical for everyone, and need only be turned up like a page in an account-book or the record of a will; our social personality is created by the thoughts of other people. Even the simple act which we describe as "seeing some one we know" is, to some extent, an intellectual process. We pack the physical outline of the creature we see with all the ideas we have already formed about him, and in the complete picture of him which we compose in our minds those ideas have certainly the principal place. "
Oooooh, Caroline, this is one of my favorite-ever of yours! In our sister lives we are rockstars in the same band or in bands that tour together. Yay! And here's to the ghosts yet to come. I'm excited for your future ghost. Wishing you grace and ease on this move. And joy and tenderness and delight for what's yet to come! ❤️
Thank you so much, lovely friend. ❤️
I love this take on the Queen of Pentacles!!!
Thank you, Karen!
I loved every word. Packing is a pain and sparking joy comes with lots of other emotions. I went back home after 4 years in Australia, and left everything as I left it. I spent a week tidying up and decluttering, and it was exhausting!! I remember all those 'past me' and 'wishful thinking me'. I had to many dresses I bought because they reminded me of my future ideal self, and those dresses never got to be worn, and never will (by me, at least!)
Wow you write so beautifully, and ironically, as I did a full moon ritual last night and was releasing parts of myself, I found myself wanting to release my "sister lives." I have this idea that in another life, things would be less painful or complicated or difficult if only I'd chosen the right path. Seems very silly typing it, but I love that you resonate with looking into these lives as you move.
As someone who has moved 5 times in 10 years, I feel you.
Caroline, this is probably my favorite essay of all of the beautiful writings of yours that I’ve read! Absolutely breathtaking! The sister lives sentiment from Cheryl Strayed (Tiny Beautiful Things is one of my all-time favorite books) layered onto your experience of packing and moving make for a beautifully resonant read. I wish you all best with your decluttering and upcoming shift - as you say, it’s an act of hope!
Read this after finishing "The Husbands" (similar vibes to Midnight Library) - the ghosts of possibility are some of the scariest and exciting yet. Thanks for writing, Caroline!
Moving is a pain in the ass...but it's so wonderful to shed the stuff we no longer need. And, somehow, *only* a move can make us confront it, with minimal negotiation. I hope it's going smoothly and that you are so happy in your new home, Caroline. xo
I have moved more times than I care to count. I am at the point of needing to move again and do not look forward to it. A piece of advice HOA's are evil and controlling stay far,far away from them. Some of my moves were quick and painless, those days when I was young and could afford little in the way of things but yes like you Caroline my books have always moved with me. They are vital. In thinking about this move and how much I don't want to do it I realized that the moves I liked were the those that looked toward the future and growth. We moved from Chicago to a close suburb and I was pregnant with my first child. Our new home was a cottage with trees and the sound of frogs at night. I was nesting and moving into my first single family home made me happy. There is always life to contend with and tragedy made an appearance just one week before we moved but I actually think that the move helped by adding necessary work to help me with a loss I had not expected. All my babies (3) came home to that cottage and we walked the neighborhood and I began to feel at home. We would grow out of that sweet house and the second move was not easy but welcome, with three boys we were bursting at the seams. I told my husband this was our forever house and I would never move again.
Don't ever say never. The boys grew and moved and their father decided he did not like this life we had made and he moved leaving me with a large empty nest and days of tears. I did eventually move back to Chicago but found the city I loved in my twenties was isolating as an adult and an adult with Celiac disease. Friends would get together for meals that I could rarely join. I moved back to a house with a garden and thought it would be a good house to welcome the grandchildren. I never had to move again. I said it once, never rarely works out. I am once again house hunting and unlike that little cottage this is just something I have to do not what I want to do. I wander around, yes I really wander the closets, the basement, the garage. I have too much stuff! I know I do and I know I have to get rid of it but so many things hold a memory. I recently bought a jumper with a little jacket but it needed a blouse to go under the jumper ( I have told myself I would not buy any more clothes but it's so pretty and unusual that I just had to) I had the perfect one in my closet and it was years old! How old? Remember Notting Hill and the teal blouse Julia Roberts wears to the birthday party? I bought this blouse right after I saw that movie because it looks like that top. So getting rid of things isn't always for the best. I realize I'm grasping at straws and how did we get from moving to Julia Robert's blouse? I think we were saying how hard it is to move but the best moves are those where we are moving toward something, we are moving because we're growing and it's exciting. The hardest moves are those that happen because your world has gotten smaller and therefore you space is smaller. I wasn't prepared for my life to have gotten smaller because I have gotten older. Our society doesn't handle ageing well. I thought I would but I'm still working on it and getting away from an HOA who thinks they can tell me what flowers I'm ALLOWED to plant is a good step. First I have to get rid of stuff!
This was so beautiful. Sending to a few ladies I know will heed wisdom from❤️
This is beautiful. I am in the same spot as you right now: moving to a new home. I'm also starting a new job soon. This by far has been the most emotional move yet - it was so reassuring to feel connected to another in the chaos and hope of it all.
Thank you. I'm so glad to hear it found you at the right time. Best wishes with the new home and job! Here's to beginnings.
Of the things of yours that I’ve read, this is the best. My favorite so far. And I think that Queen coming up is diving timing for you, as well as the rest of us. Moving SUUUUUCKS, OMG. The last time I moved was 10 years ago, and I hired movers because it was so worth it to me. This is the longest I’ve been in any house, and I have no plans to leave until I go into the assisted living phase of life. While I was unpacking things for the pantry, I found a box of rice that had expired 10 years before we moved. So, that rice traveled to THREE places!! LORD! Since then, I have made conscious choices to get rid of things that I’m just not going to eat/use/display (apart from the seasonal decor, and even some of that!). I Kondo’d my clothes during the pandemic and the upside of that is that folding my clothes the Kondo way does in fact make it easier to wear more of them than stacking them. I’m getting a long awaited breast reduction on the 26th and I am SO EXCITED to wear some of the tops that I loved in earlier/smaller-boobed (though admittedly the smallest I’ve been since college was a D) years and also freaking t-shirts! I cannot wear but 3 of the drawer of t-shirts I own because they’re uncomfortable. I’m heading to a C cup from a J! CAN’T WAIT.
ANYWAY, I used to have so many books, and I got rid of a lot of them - donated them to the local library. As a person who’s major was English literature, I have always said I’d want a library, but at the same time, I am not a re-reader, so as much as love to read, weirdly, books are not something I am invested in.
This past week, I’ve spoken SO much about our impending move in early 2025 (hopefully), including coming clean to our landlord who handed us a new lease. And now I’ve read two moving Substack posts this morning. I’m completely inspired by this future ghost idea of yours, you have no idea. Your loads of books are my loads of vinyl (2300 LPs + 4400 7”) but TBH everything else I own could get left behind. This next chapter feels more like a different book, different author, different genre.
You can never have too many books and they are 100% worth the strained back and arms! Good luck getting to the other side of the move, which will be worth it in the end.
Thank you, Amelia!
Just brilliant Caroline! My best start to a somewhat 'samey' Monday morning. Your words invoked so many new thoughts, some I know have never entered my mind before and have literally opened new 'realms' for me to think about in regard to who I am, who I was and who I could or, importantly will be. Having made a massive life changing move from the UK to Spain almost 9 years ago now I have been feeling very restless as if 'something' is telling me it is time for the next chapter. This piece brought back so many memories and thoughts of all those ghosts we too encountered back then and sent off to the ghost landfill of life. I know I've got 9 years worth of different ghosts stuffed away here again that I swore would never happen and some of them need to go find new homes. Thank you for finding the time in your busy day to write and share such meaningful words, especially the excellent card interpretation!
When I moved permanently from the UK to New Zealand, I gave away about 95% of what I owned. It felt like a massive catharsis and life review. I haven't missed most of what I let go of, but every now and then I think perhaps I was a bit over-zealous. Parts of my history are gone. The one thing I couldn't part with was books though. Resonating a lot with your process.