Coincidently, today I read two Substack writers’ essays, similarly frustrated. One wrote: “There’s voyeurism (the viewer/consumer of content), and there’s exhibitionism (the purveyor/creator of content). It parades as community - and in some rare cases, real friendships can form - but for the most part, it is a one-way mirror that has the ‘influencer’ always checking to see if his/her/their reflection is good enough for their audience.”1 And the other: “I will not publicize every moment of this precious and fleeting life for tiny hearts on a screen.”2 I’d blame Mercury Rx for the community-wide writer funk, but it’s felt pervasive for much longer than a couple weeks. Even our dear pal Alex Dobrenko took a break. FWIW, I love Sunday nights with Caroline… but never at the expense of your creativity (and sanity) so you do you, whatever that looks like, in the coming calendar flip ✨
Thank you, both for sharing these excellent takes and for the kind words. I love Sunday nights, too, and don't plan to go anywhere! But I'm sure I'll continue to experiment and play with format and try (as much as my anxious mind allows) to keep it loose, for sustainability's sake. I really love it when artists I follow take a sabbatical or change direction or disappear for a while... it feels like connecting with a human instead of a robot, something increasingly precious these days!
1. I once heard that the success of "I Hope you Dance" almost ruined Lee Ann Womack, as it was incredibly difficult for her to "recover" from that enormous success and keep creating after it.
2. For years, in my mind, *you* were in the cool clique I'd never be in but now that I "know" you more, albeit virtually, I am wondering if it's time we toss out the metaphorical cool clique for good.
That point about Lee Ann Womack is fascinating. But also completely makes sense. So ironic that many of us fear failure when success can be just as tricky.
In my twenties, a novelist I admired lived in my building and I was always too scared to say hello or “I loved your latest book” or really much of anything when I saw her in the halls, because she just seemed so cool. I admitted this over DM recently and she wrote back, “ha! I wasn’t cool. and I’m still not.” And neither am I. And maybe, neither is anyone.
This immediately made me think of ‘Oh The Places You’ll Go’ by Dr Seuss: ‘And when you’re in a slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.’💛
Also, what a beautiful note about the beach and the whales breaching 🥹
“There is dancing (or writing, as it were) for an audience vs. because you have something to say.” Been thinking about this a lot lately, and as usual, you put the exact right words together to express the sentiment.
I love that idea of questioning whether we are doing something (dancing, writing, working etc) for an audience or for the joy of it. When we are younger, I think we are more of the former. We want to impress the audience...bosses, family, friends. As we get older, I think we grow into a self assuredness where we don't need that external validation as much and just do it for the joy of it. I have found that one of the best parts of getting older...
As always, thank you for sharing your talents and inspiring good conversation
Dang, I think your writing is more glorious and gorgeous than ever! And am I only person that had never heard or even heard of that song? Meanwhile: I think our wee clique is pretty cool. Just saying.
AirPods are a salve when annoying neighbors strike. They are also useful when using a Vitamix. LOL.
I'm dancing for myself. Yes, I hope to draw in others but, as someone who was always the first on the literal dancefloor (usually by myself for forcing a reluctant friend to join in), it takes time for people to become comfortable joining in. And, yes, at first, they are more than likely quietly (or not) judging the fool moving to the beat like no one is watching. How dare she?! Then it becomes, If she can, why not me? As long as it makes you happy, do it. But, I don't think a lot of this social media "dancing" does make people happier. If it did, there'd be less of it. You know what I mean? xo
“There is dancing for show vs. dancing for joy. Dancing for applause vs. dancing for endorphins, expression, the sense of being alive. There is dancing (or writing, as it were) for an audience vs. because you have something to say.“
I could have quoted most of this piece. A therapist once told me you cannot dance (for joy) and be have depressed thoughts at the same time. She also told me the same about laughter. Making yourself laugh out loud over and over with a friend resets your insides.
Thank you for this. People should upgrade and pay you for your contribution to their joy. 🥹
I needed this, thank you for sharing and writing through the funk/slump. I suspect I will henceforth be imagining myself as a "cartoon character with a bubble of angry punctuation above my head" and it will help✨
I really enjoyed reading this! This part in particular resonated strongly with me: "Feelings are akin to irritating carrier pigeons, bearing scrolls with deeply personal messages. It can be tempting to shoo them away, but it behooves us to hear what they’re trying to say."
I've only realized this relatively recently and I'm learning a lot as I tune into my feelings. One of the most important messages I've received is I think very similar to one that you are hinting at in this essay: being authentically ourselves and feeling fulfilled are deeply linked - when I feel myself getting angry, it is usually sending me information that I'm performing for others in a way I'd really rather not be.
Awwwh Caroline...........I could tangibly feel and recognise the angst flowing through your words out of my screen, falling on to my desk, some tiny sharp and really prickly and others like bright light bulbs popping and exploding in the darkness. Just know that this is an important cycle in your life right now and that it 'will' pass. I was exactly where I think you are around 4 years ago, albeit older, and I almost changed my middle name to Trigger! I literally felt like I was losing my sanity at times and my marriage. My poor Piscean, very laid back husband was usually, the brunt of my triggered rants but so often the trigger as well! Or so I 'thought'.
Things had to change as I knew this was affecting us badly, and most importantly manifesting in my physical body too. I sought out an acupuncturist after my daughter had seen huge improvements for her very life-changing perimenopausal symptoms that no UK doctor seemed to want to address, even IF she could see one.
My lady is called Natalia. She's now my confident, my friend and certainly my saviour. But most of all she listens. She has magically flicked some switches in me and sent Trigger off to the wilds of outer Mongolia, along with my pains, headaches, worries, high blood pressure, sleep issues and more! Even when I went back to the manic UK from my rural idyll here in Spain recently, nothing triggered me at all and I found myself smiling at strangers I once would have snarled at.
Sometimes we can't fix everything ourselves. Being born a Virgoan perfectionist and 'fixer' I have found it hard to let go. Now I am so pleased I have surrendered to someone who really knows and has shown me that it 'will' ALL be OK. Much love and thanks for all you do. Sally x
Such an important question to ask yourself. I think when the answer is that you're doing it because you have something to say, you'll always find your way back. Be kind to yourself this week ❤️
Isn’t it great that simply connecting the dots might result in an epiphany of why we do what we do, decreasing our doubts of our own value? Love your fun and insightful thought sharing! Inspiring.
Coincidently, today I read two Substack writers’ essays, similarly frustrated. One wrote: “There’s voyeurism (the viewer/consumer of content), and there’s exhibitionism (the purveyor/creator of content). It parades as community - and in some rare cases, real friendships can form - but for the most part, it is a one-way mirror that has the ‘influencer’ always checking to see if his/her/their reflection is good enough for their audience.”1 And the other: “I will not publicize every moment of this precious and fleeting life for tiny hearts on a screen.”2 I’d blame Mercury Rx for the community-wide writer funk, but it’s felt pervasive for much longer than a couple weeks. Even our dear pal Alex Dobrenko took a break. FWIW, I love Sunday nights with Caroline… but never at the expense of your creativity (and sanity) so you do you, whatever that looks like, in the coming calendar flip ✨
1. Devony Amber Wolfe
2. Lindsay Byron
Thank you, both for sharing these excellent takes and for the kind words. I love Sunday nights, too, and don't plan to go anywhere! But I'm sure I'll continue to experiment and play with format and try (as much as my anxious mind allows) to keep it loose, for sustainability's sake. I really love it when artists I follow take a sabbatical or change direction or disappear for a while... it feels like connecting with a human instead of a robot, something increasingly precious these days!
YES! No Substack robots! (But I’m also super selfishly relieved you’re not going anywhere!)
SO well said!
Wow. Writing like this is what makes it worthwhile to support a writer like you. All the feels. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Leslie. Deeply appreciated.
4 quick notes:
1. I once heard that the success of "I Hope you Dance" almost ruined Lee Ann Womack, as it was incredibly difficult for her to "recover" from that enormous success and keep creating after it.
2. For years, in my mind, *you* were in the cool clique I'd never be in but now that I "know" you more, albeit virtually, I am wondering if it's time we toss out the metaphorical cool clique for good.
3. I really need to read "Triggers"!!!
4. Always good to see your name in my inbox :)
Big yes to number 2! If even the clique we think is cool thinks they're not cool, what are we all striving for
That point about Lee Ann Womack is fascinating. But also completely makes sense. So ironic that many of us fear failure when success can be just as tricky.
In my twenties, a novelist I admired lived in my building and I was always too scared to say hello or “I loved your latest book” or really much of anything when I saw her in the halls, because she just seemed so cool. I admitted this over DM recently and she wrote back, “ha! I wasn’t cool. and I’m still not.” And neither am I. And maybe, neither is anyone.
And thank you. :)
This immediately made me think of ‘Oh The Places You’ll Go’ by Dr Seuss: ‘And when you’re in a slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.’💛
Also, what a beautiful note about the beach and the whales breaching 🥹
Thank you, Meg. 💛
“There is dancing (or writing, as it were) for an audience vs. because you have something to say.” Been thinking about this a lot lately, and as usual, you put the exact right words together to express the sentiment.
Zack and Bliss and baby Galileo forever!!
If they made a spinoff show, I would not be mad about it.
I've got a bowl of popcorn ready to go!
I love that idea of questioning whether we are doing something (dancing, writing, working etc) for an audience or for the joy of it. When we are younger, I think we are more of the former. We want to impress the audience...bosses, family, friends. As we get older, I think we grow into a self assuredness where we don't need that external validation as much and just do it for the joy of it. I have found that one of the best parts of getting older...
As always, thank you for sharing your talents and inspiring good conversation
Thank you. I love your posts Caroline.
Dang, I think your writing is more glorious and gorgeous than ever! And am I only person that had never heard or even heard of that song? Meanwhile: I think our wee clique is pretty cool. Just saying.
AirPods are a salve when annoying neighbors strike. They are also useful when using a Vitamix. LOL.
I'm dancing for myself. Yes, I hope to draw in others but, as someone who was always the first on the literal dancefloor (usually by myself for forcing a reluctant friend to join in), it takes time for people to become comfortable joining in. And, yes, at first, they are more than likely quietly (or not) judging the fool moving to the beat like no one is watching. How dare she?! Then it becomes, If she can, why not me? As long as it makes you happy, do it. But, I don't think a lot of this social media "dancing" does make people happier. If it did, there'd be less of it. You know what I mean? xo
Love this piece. Thank you.
Thank you, Kris.
“There is dancing for show vs. dancing for joy. Dancing for applause vs. dancing for endorphins, expression, the sense of being alive. There is dancing (or writing, as it were) for an audience vs. because you have something to say.“
I could have quoted most of this piece. A therapist once told me you cannot dance (for joy) and be have depressed thoughts at the same time. She also told me the same about laughter. Making yourself laugh out loud over and over with a friend resets your insides.
Thank you for this. People should upgrade and pay you for your contribution to their joy. 🥹
I needed this, thank you for sharing and writing through the funk/slump. I suspect I will henceforth be imagining myself as a "cartoon character with a bubble of angry punctuation above my head" and it will help✨
I really enjoyed reading this! This part in particular resonated strongly with me: "Feelings are akin to irritating carrier pigeons, bearing scrolls with deeply personal messages. It can be tempting to shoo them away, but it behooves us to hear what they’re trying to say."
I've only realized this relatively recently and I'm learning a lot as I tune into my feelings. One of the most important messages I've received is I think very similar to one that you are hinting at in this essay: being authentically ourselves and feeling fulfilled are deeply linked - when I feel myself getting angry, it is usually sending me information that I'm performing for others in a way I'd really rather not be.
Awwwh Caroline...........I could tangibly feel and recognise the angst flowing through your words out of my screen, falling on to my desk, some tiny sharp and really prickly and others like bright light bulbs popping and exploding in the darkness. Just know that this is an important cycle in your life right now and that it 'will' pass. I was exactly where I think you are around 4 years ago, albeit older, and I almost changed my middle name to Trigger! I literally felt like I was losing my sanity at times and my marriage. My poor Piscean, very laid back husband was usually, the brunt of my triggered rants but so often the trigger as well! Or so I 'thought'.
Things had to change as I knew this was affecting us badly, and most importantly manifesting in my physical body too. I sought out an acupuncturist after my daughter had seen huge improvements for her very life-changing perimenopausal symptoms that no UK doctor seemed to want to address, even IF she could see one.
My lady is called Natalia. She's now my confident, my friend and certainly my saviour. But most of all she listens. She has magically flicked some switches in me and sent Trigger off to the wilds of outer Mongolia, along with my pains, headaches, worries, high blood pressure, sleep issues and more! Even when I went back to the manic UK from my rural idyll here in Spain recently, nothing triggered me at all and I found myself smiling at strangers I once would have snarled at.
Sometimes we can't fix everything ourselves. Being born a Virgoan perfectionist and 'fixer' I have found it hard to let go. Now I am so pleased I have surrendered to someone who really knows and has shown me that it 'will' ALL be OK. Much love and thanks for all you do. Sally x
Such an important question to ask yourself. I think when the answer is that you're doing it because you have something to say, you'll always find your way back. Be kind to yourself this week ❤️
Thank you, Charlotte. Same to you! ❤️
Isn’t it great that simply connecting the dots might result in an epiphany of why we do what we do, decreasing our doubts of our own value? Love your fun and insightful thought sharing! Inspiring.
Yes! So grateful for those flashes of insight. Thank you so much, Kathy.