“After mentally hosting too many people I’d never hang out with IRL, I realized what a strange disconnect this was. If I’d never invite them to my home, why was I inviting them into my brain?”
As is always the case, help and wisdom appears when we most need it.
I was never so relieved to see 2025 end. My Father passed away in April, and my Mother succumbed to Alzheimers mid-December.
I was my Mother's primary caregiver, and as time went by she required near-constant care. She entered hospice, and passed peacefully at home.
Many people have been or are in similar situations, so I am not claiming to be special.
I feel adrift, with health problems long ignored demanding attention. I am working to establish new routines. Each day runs into another, and I feel no sense of accomplishment despite my to-do lists.
These 5 small things show structure and focus, and a path forward. They are a huge life raft thrown out to drowning souls. I will climb aboard. Thank you.
Carol, I'm so sorry for your losses. Words fall short, but please know I am thinking of you and wish you peace and comfort.
Someone once told me that self-kindness is essential during times of grief and change, and though I haven't always succeeded at this, I've found it to be true. Though I may not know you personally, I hope you are giving yourself the grace you surely deserve.
I’ve been trying to carve out as much warmth as possible with my family as Michigan temps plunged far below zero. Thawing out our frozen water pipe wasn’t really a “joy,” but the relief of getting it working without a pipe bursting was. Today, we finally had feels-like temps above zero, so we plunged out into the snowy tundra where my toddler son promptly plopped into a snow bank and proclaimed that he was making “butt-angels!” It’s the small, ordinary (often ridiculous) things that keep us going through these times.
On Saturday, before the snow descended I bought some sandwiches and also a chocolate babka. The time spent eating chocolate babka is orgastic, a word I have permission to use since it's, famously, in the Great Gatsby.
Chocolate babka will always and forever make me think of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine and Jerry fail to procure the last chocolate babka before the dinner party and are forced to settle for "the lesser babka," cinnamon.
The concept of "the relief of being ordinary" is such a counterweight to our culture's constant push for exceptionalism. 🕯️ Your reminder that setting smaller, manageable goals isn't failure but wisdom really resonates—germinating seasons are just as essential as blooming ones. The question about mentally hosting people you'd never invite to your home is brilliantly clarifying for setting boundaries in this overstimulated age. 🌱 Thank you for this grounding perspective.
Thank you for this. In the midst of doom scrolling, your substack popped up. And like a warm hug, it provided a welcome respite. A helpful perspective to navigate these stressful times.
Curate your guest list! That section was great. Lately I’ve been seeing an ex-gf on my social media feed and I’ve been thinking, why am I seeing her and it’s because way back when I was okay with it I allowed it but now it’s just not what I need to see!! Hence, I needed Caroline’s curate button 😁
Talk about synchronicity. I clicked onto the recipe “the stew” which was included in your column. Turns out it’s the same recipe I made this weekend during the snowstorm. I originally found it in the New York Times during the pandemic lockdown in their “at home” column. Great recipe!
Thank you Caroline. I long for deep connection with RLP. We are not meant to be alone. I feel very much alone as things, social media and cell phones have replaced true connection. I feel that people don't know how to have a face-to-face connection which is terribly sad. I like nothing better than to share a meal, a glass of wine, tea or coffee with someone. I also understand your point of not having people living in your head as you wouldn't want to invite them in your home. I have a lot of work to do regarding that issue. I like to have fairy lights and candles around. The winter is long and dreary and I need light around me. I still have my Christmas decorations as they brighten my surroundings. Yes, to ordinary people... a breath of fresh air
Love this Caroline. 🩵 Spain is very chilly too this year, albeit on a much lesser scale than many folks of the world. But is still demanding one pot meals, fairy lights, shuffling in shawls and fluffy slippers for this ordinary UK expat who loves to avoid IRL people unless they arrive with chocolate. The Dog's Dinner picture is clever but made me laugh out loud as the servants are shown as cats! Imagine that back in the kitchen. 🙀
Thank you so much for this. I’ve been spiraling all day about what’s happening in Minneapolis, what’s happening in our country, what to do about it (including in my own head & heart). This piece truly helped me ❤️
We are currently frozen in place. I think getting the flu is next. Stillness can be desired, but we must be disciplined to take it on. Stillness can deepen and refresh our lives. Slow down. STOP and be at peace with the snow.
What a gift of perspective:
“After mentally hosting too many people I’d never hang out with IRL, I realized what a strange disconnect this was. If I’d never invite them to my home, why was I inviting them into my brain?”
This week’s offering was anything but ordinary. 🙏
I agree James! These lines were so good! Describes so much of the social media landscape
Thank you, James. 💛
As is always the case, help and wisdom appears when we most need it.
I was never so relieved to see 2025 end. My Father passed away in April, and my Mother succumbed to Alzheimers mid-December.
I was my Mother's primary caregiver, and as time went by she required near-constant care. She entered hospice, and passed peacefully at home.
Many people have been or are in similar situations, so I am not claiming to be special.
I feel adrift, with health problems long ignored demanding attention. I am working to establish new routines. Each day runs into another, and I feel no sense of accomplishment despite my to-do lists.
These 5 small things show structure and focus, and a path forward. They are a huge life raft thrown out to drowning souls. I will climb aboard. Thank you.
Carol, I'm so sorry for your losses. Words fall short, but please know I am thinking of you and wish you peace and comfort.
Someone once told me that self-kindness is essential during times of grief and change, and though I haven't always succeeded at this, I've found it to be true. Though I may not know you personally, I hope you are giving yourself the grace you surely deserve.
“A new depth of appreciation for being an ordinary human being.” This might be my only New Year’s resolution…on repeat. ❤️
Yes! And same. ❤️
I’ve been trying to carve out as much warmth as possible with my family as Michigan temps plunged far below zero. Thawing out our frozen water pipe wasn’t really a “joy,” but the relief of getting it working without a pipe bursting was. Today, we finally had feels-like temps above zero, so we plunged out into the snowy tundra where my toddler son promptly plopped into a snow bank and proclaimed that he was making “butt-angels!” It’s the small, ordinary (often ridiculous) things that keep us going through these times.
Butt-angels! I love it. Wishing you warmth of all kinds in the coming week.
On Saturday, before the snow descended I bought some sandwiches and also a chocolate babka. The time spent eating chocolate babka is orgastic, a word I have permission to use since it's, famously, in the Great Gatsby.
Chocolate babka will always and forever make me think of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine and Jerry fail to procure the last chocolate babka before the dinner party and are forced to settle for "the lesser babka," cinnamon.
Debbie prefers cinnamon. Strange, I know. The obvious compromise is to have both.
The concept of "the relief of being ordinary" is such a counterweight to our culture's constant push for exceptionalism. 🕯️ Your reminder that setting smaller, manageable goals isn't failure but wisdom really resonates—germinating seasons are just as essential as blooming ones. The question about mentally hosting people you'd never invite to your home is brilliantly clarifying for setting boundaries in this overstimulated age. 🌱 Thank you for this grounding perspective.
Thank you for this. In the midst of doom scrolling, your substack popped up. And like a warm hug, it provided a welcome respite. A helpful perspective to navigate these stressful times.
Thank you, Victoria. ❤️
I second this. Caroline's writing is like a salve, especially when it feels like the world is on fire.
Thank you. ❤️
Curate your guest list! That section was great. Lately I’ve been seeing an ex-gf on my social media feed and I’ve been thinking, why am I seeing her and it’s because way back when I was okay with it I allowed it but now it’s just not what I need to see!! Hence, I needed Caroline’s curate button 😁
Talk about synchronicity. I clicked onto the recipe “the stew” which was included in your column. Turns out it’s the same recipe I made this weekend during the snowstorm. I originally found it in the New York Times during the pandemic lockdown in their “at home” column. Great recipe!
I love this! Really makes me wonder how many of us were hunkered down with our chickpeas and ginger and coconut milk.
I make this once or twice a year during winter. Serve it with vanilla yogurt on top.
What a perfect read in an impossible time. Thank you.
I needed this. 😮💨💛🙏🏼
Thank you Caroline. I long for deep connection with RLP. We are not meant to be alone. I feel very much alone as things, social media and cell phones have replaced true connection. I feel that people don't know how to have a face-to-face connection which is terribly sad. I like nothing better than to share a meal, a glass of wine, tea or coffee with someone. I also understand your point of not having people living in your head as you wouldn't want to invite them in your home. I have a lot of work to do regarding that issue. I like to have fairy lights and candles around. The winter is long and dreary and I need light around me. I still have my Christmas decorations as they brighten my surroundings. Yes, to ordinary people... a breath of fresh air
Reading this first thing in the morning is refreshing and a balm. Thank you, Caroline.
Love this Caroline. 🩵 Spain is very chilly too this year, albeit on a much lesser scale than many folks of the world. But is still demanding one pot meals, fairy lights, shuffling in shawls and fluffy slippers for this ordinary UK expat who loves to avoid IRL people unless they arrive with chocolate. The Dog's Dinner picture is clever but made me laugh out loud as the servants are shown as cats! Imagine that back in the kitchen. 🙀
Omg I didn’t notice the cats 😂
Thank you so much for this. I’ve been spiraling all day about what’s happening in Minneapolis, what’s happening in our country, what to do about it (including in my own head & heart). This piece truly helped me ❤️
We are currently frozen in place. I think getting the flu is next. Stillness can be desired, but we must be disciplined to take it on. Stillness can deepen and refresh our lives. Slow down. STOP and be at peace with the snow.