My best friend from high school and I took AP writing classes together at a small, Midwestern, all girls, catholic school. We would spend hours on the phone typing (on a typewriter!) reading paragraphs out loud, listening to each other, changing things. Over and over. It was pure happiness. 41 years later, she’s still my best friend, the person I send book recommendations to, little things I write and things I’ve read that I know she will love. When I am reading something really good, I sometimes rush to the end so I can share it as soon as possible. I almost always send you to her. I just did that again, first thing, after finishing this. We have lived across the country from each other almost all those years since high school. Thank you for being one of the things that keeps us connected. Truly. And also…I too am constantly comparing how my adult life has failed to measure up, in many different ways. But in between all my failures, I know I am a good friend. I have a feeling you are too. That’s worth a lot I think. I hope you never stop writing. Xoxox
Thank you. I love this so much. When I first read your comment last night, it brought tears to my eyes for so many reasons. I am truly honored that my words are something you share, and equally touched by the story of your friendship. Earlier this week, I was thinking about how many of the people I feel closest to are people I no longer see (or in some cases, never saw) in person. But there is something so special about such connections, and a certain magic in them, too. I marvel at the fact that sometimes I feel surrounded by so much love, even when no one is physically with me. Such is the power of a good friend. And you said it exactly, that's worth a lot.
(Also, meet one of my dearest friends, who I met on day one at our women's college is also, as demonstrated here and in countless other ways, a good friend. :)
Well, I got tears in my eyes reading your response, so we are even there. Grateful tears for the power of words and what comes from saying “thank you. What you wrote touched me”. How that goes both ways. I had forgotten that you had gone to an all girls college (I’ve been following you since your COJ years). My experience at my school changed the core of me. How I feel about myself as a woman, how I value female friendships. How we hold each other up. How deeply lucky i am for those years of countless golden memories (what I call the best ones, the ones you know at the time they are happening are absolutely perfect.) Your friend’s comment made me smile and my friend wrote me back first thing this morning, thanking me for the “lovely, special start to her day and for always sharing”.
Though I’m hardly one to comment, or even like a post, I want you to know Caroline, your words touch me. Thank you for showing up for making me stop and think, and making my day all the better for it ❤️
I so appreciate hearing your answer to my question—the one about your relationship to writing through the years—but also getting another perspective on it, via your answer to the final commenter. For those of us who write, it can be equal parts meaningful *and* painful, and I appreciated getting to hear about both sides of that experience for you.
Caroline, you're the best!I have been going through some hard times lately and your newsletter is a ray of sunshine . Keep up the good work! All the best to you! Thank you for sharing!
Did you ever have a moment of feeling more settled or “official” in adulthood? I struggle with this as a single 30-something woman who did a career change around age 30, feeling like I haven’t been in my career long enough to be settled and societal norms insist that until I am partnered and in my forever home I am “unsettled”. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what defines settling down as these things shift in society, we don’t always keep the same job forever and more people are single in their 30s or choosing not to have children.
You bring up a very excellent point. (It reminds me of the book "But You're Still So Young" by Kayleen Schaefer, about adults in their thirties and how many are redefining adulthood.) The long-held markers of adulthood, particularly marriage, kids, and homeownership are no longer so traditional. As someone who hasn't done those things, I've certainly had moments where I've felt unsettled. But when I look back at my life five or ten years ago, in hindsight it looks much more settled to me now than it did at the time. I think "settled" can be a bit of a myth, in that when you're looking ahead into a future that is never certain (for any of us) it's easy to feel some level of anxiety or questioning. But yes, I can say that I did reach a point where I felt more settled in my adult life. And it didn't come with a partner or a forever home—it was completely due to a realization that I could figure things out if needed, and the belief that things would be okay.
Thanks for this edition ☺️ Loved the Mary Oliver poem, the photo of Iman and Fran, the hyper-saturation of that tarot deck and your lovely, kind, sage voice ✨
Oh Caroline, I used to read your articles on COJ, and get so excited when you had written a new one. Now, I get new posts twice a week to my inbox! Thank you for sharing. The last comment/question really hit home. I'm trying to get a creative project off the ground and sometimes it's just the day in, day out, sometimes I feel confident, and more often doubtful and wondering why it looks so easy for that person over there. Thank you for writing each week!
The magical conversion to paid subscriber has happened. I blame you entirely. It was the truth about expectations of adulthood. Tears. Good tears. And relief, right? It's the worst inside joke..
Tarot. Truth, hints to the human condition speaks through symbols. I can be miraculously grateful for the salvation my Christ provides, and feel God can speak to us a in anyway we hear.
Try explaining the beauty you can find in Aleister Crowley's deck to someone from Bible Study. Point being , I am looking forward to inhaling the archives. I have rewarded your efforts...no pressure.
Thank you, Sheila, for this lovely comment, for reading, and of course, for making the magical conversion. I hope you enjoy the archives. I'm thrilled to have you here.
Your words reminded me of something I saw this morning. My neighborhood church has a sign out front, bearing a quote that is updated each week. They are always wonderful — beautiful, moving, funny, and profound, in equal measure. This week it says, "I found God in all the places I was told not to look." Of course, I thought of tarot. I don't know that I'd succeed in explaining the beauty in Crowley's deck to someone from Bible Study. (Though I'd happily try!) But I'd like to believe we can hear messages everywhere...as long as we listen.
“The first that comes to mind is a little experience called adulthood.” 🤣🤣🤣 laughed out loud. Loved all your answers, Caroline, especially those on writing. The more I write the more I feel it’s such an insanely individual process. Whereas one person, for example, might need more structure and discipline to write, another might need just the opposite — and those needs change depending on the season of life! I do know that the better I understand myself, the better chance I have at establishing a consistent writing process and writing has also helped me know and understand myself better.
Thank you, Joyce. And it's so true! Writing isn't only individual to the person, it's specific to the project...to the season...to the environment... and just when I think I've figured out something that "works" for me, another factor changes and so does my process. I never get tired of discussing this with other writer friends, because I am fascinated to see how different all of their processes are (and how differently their brains work)! And it helps me offer myself more grace, as clearly there is no roadmap and we're all doing the best we can.
That’s so true! Different projects have different needs too. There is definitely no road map, though, kind of like you said with adulthood, I spent years certain I was missing the writers’ roadmap that everyone else had. Recently, I read a quote by Toni Morrison where she talks about telling her students to respect writers’ block and NOT to write through it. And it just felt so contradictory to all the advice I’d read up until that point it really made me realize how individualized and dynamic writing is!
My best friend from high school and I took AP writing classes together at a small, Midwestern, all girls, catholic school. We would spend hours on the phone typing (on a typewriter!) reading paragraphs out loud, listening to each other, changing things. Over and over. It was pure happiness. 41 years later, she’s still my best friend, the person I send book recommendations to, little things I write and things I’ve read that I know she will love. When I am reading something really good, I sometimes rush to the end so I can share it as soon as possible. I almost always send you to her. I just did that again, first thing, after finishing this. We have lived across the country from each other almost all those years since high school. Thank you for being one of the things that keeps us connected. Truly. And also…I too am constantly comparing how my adult life has failed to measure up, in many different ways. But in between all my failures, I know I am a good friend. I have a feeling you are too. That’s worth a lot I think. I hope you never stop writing. Xoxox
SHE IS!!!!
I love you!
Thank you. I love this so much. When I first read your comment last night, it brought tears to my eyes for so many reasons. I am truly honored that my words are something you share, and equally touched by the story of your friendship. Earlier this week, I was thinking about how many of the people I feel closest to are people I no longer see (or in some cases, never saw) in person. But there is something so special about such connections, and a certain magic in them, too. I marvel at the fact that sometimes I feel surrounded by so much love, even when no one is physically with me. Such is the power of a good friend. And you said it exactly, that's worth a lot.
(Also, meet one of my dearest friends, who I met on day one at our women's college is also, as demonstrated here and in countless other ways, a good friend. :)
Well, I got tears in my eyes reading your response, so we are even there. Grateful tears for the power of words and what comes from saying “thank you. What you wrote touched me”. How that goes both ways. I had forgotten that you had gone to an all girls college (I’ve been following you since your COJ years). My experience at my school changed the core of me. How I feel about myself as a woman, how I value female friendships. How we hold each other up. How deeply lucky i am for those years of countless golden memories (what I call the best ones, the ones you know at the time they are happening are absolutely perfect.) Your friend’s comment made me smile and my friend wrote me back first thing this morning, thanking me for the “lovely, special start to her day and for always sharing”.
Though I’m hardly one to comment, or even like a post, I want you to know Caroline, your words touch me. Thank you for showing up for making me stop and think, and making my day all the better for it ❤️
Thank you. As a fellow non-commenter (ironic, I know) this especially means a lot. Thank you for sharing this and making my day better, too.
Oh adulthood! You said it all ❤️
I so appreciate hearing your answer to my question—the one about your relationship to writing through the years—but also getting another perspective on it, via your answer to the final commenter. For those of us who write, it can be equal parts meaningful *and* painful, and I appreciated getting to hear about both sides of that experience for you.
I have never seen that Iman and Fran Liebowitz photo before and I'm more than a little obsessed with it now.
Isn't it the best?? It's lived on my desktop for years simply because I love it and I was thrilled to have an occasion to share.
Caroline, you're the best!I have been going through some hard times lately and your newsletter is a ray of sunshine . Keep up the good work! All the best to you! Thank you for sharing!
Did you ever have a moment of feeling more settled or “official” in adulthood? I struggle with this as a single 30-something woman who did a career change around age 30, feeling like I haven’t been in my career long enough to be settled and societal norms insist that until I am partnered and in my forever home I am “unsettled”. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what defines settling down as these things shift in society, we don’t always keep the same job forever and more people are single in their 30s or choosing not to have children.
You bring up a very excellent point. (It reminds me of the book "But You're Still So Young" by Kayleen Schaefer, about adults in their thirties and how many are redefining adulthood.) The long-held markers of adulthood, particularly marriage, kids, and homeownership are no longer so traditional. As someone who hasn't done those things, I've certainly had moments where I've felt unsettled. But when I look back at my life five or ten years ago, in hindsight it looks much more settled to me now than it did at the time. I think "settled" can be a bit of a myth, in that when you're looking ahead into a future that is never certain (for any of us) it's easy to feel some level of anxiety or questioning. But yes, I can say that I did reach a point where I felt more settled in my adult life. And it didn't come with a partner or a forever home—it was completely due to a realization that I could figure things out if needed, and the belief that things would be okay.
Lovely, Caroline! I was just in New York briefly and even for those short hours, felt that energy you described. ❤️
Thank you, Thao! ❤️
Sure seems like very good art!
Thanks for this edition ☺️ Loved the Mary Oliver poem, the photo of Iman and Fran, the hyper-saturation of that tarot deck and your lovely, kind, sage voice ✨
Thank you so much, Meg!
As a long time fan of your writing, I’m so glad you kept coming back to it—career wise, hobby wise, and all of the above wise.
Thank you, Lydia! That means a lot. (Particularly because I’m a long time fan of you!)
Oh Caroline, I used to read your articles on COJ, and get so excited when you had written a new one. Now, I get new posts twice a week to my inbox! Thank you for sharing. The last comment/question really hit home. I'm trying to get a creative project off the ground and sometimes it's just the day in, day out, sometimes I feel confident, and more often doubtful and wondering why it looks so easy for that person over there. Thank you for writing each week!
Thank you, Gillian! Both for these kind words and for reading all this time. It really means a lot!
The magical conversion to paid subscriber has happened. I blame you entirely. It was the truth about expectations of adulthood. Tears. Good tears. And relief, right? It's the worst inside joke..
Tarot. Truth, hints to the human condition speaks through symbols. I can be miraculously grateful for the salvation my Christ provides, and feel God can speak to us a in anyway we hear.
Try explaining the beauty you can find in Aleister Crowley's deck to someone from Bible Study. Point being , I am looking forward to inhaling the archives. I have rewarded your efforts...no pressure.
Thank you, Sheila, for this lovely comment, for reading, and of course, for making the magical conversion. I hope you enjoy the archives. I'm thrilled to have you here.
Your words reminded me of something I saw this morning. My neighborhood church has a sign out front, bearing a quote that is updated each week. They are always wonderful — beautiful, moving, funny, and profound, in equal measure. This week it says, "I found God in all the places I was told not to look." Of course, I thought of tarot. I don't know that I'd succeed in explaining the beauty in Crowley's deck to someone from Bible Study. (Though I'd happily try!) But I'd like to believe we can hear messages everywhere...as long as we listen.
Such beautiful and thoughtful answers (and questions)!
Thank you, Ramya!
“The first that comes to mind is a little experience called adulthood.” 🤣🤣🤣 laughed out loud. Loved all your answers, Caroline, especially those on writing. The more I write the more I feel it’s such an insanely individual process. Whereas one person, for example, might need more structure and discipline to write, another might need just the opposite — and those needs change depending on the season of life! I do know that the better I understand myself, the better chance I have at establishing a consistent writing process and writing has also helped me know and understand myself better.
Thank you, Joyce. And it's so true! Writing isn't only individual to the person, it's specific to the project...to the season...to the environment... and just when I think I've figured out something that "works" for me, another factor changes and so does my process. I never get tired of discussing this with other writer friends, because I am fascinated to see how different all of their processes are (and how differently their brains work)! And it helps me offer myself more grace, as clearly there is no roadmap and we're all doing the best we can.
That’s so true! Different projects have different needs too. There is definitely no road map, though, kind of like you said with adulthood, I spent years certain I was missing the writers’ roadmap that everyone else had. Recently, I read a quote by Toni Morrison where she talks about telling her students to respect writers’ block and NOT to write through it. And it just felt so contradictory to all the advice I’d read up until that point it really made me realize how individualized and dynamic writing is!