"I love it here, where we are all alone, together."
That's what I loved about New York too! And the energy, and the buildings, and the pinch-me feeling that would regularly come over me..."I LIVE IN NEW YORK, BABY"...how fantastic is that! Why did I leave? For me, there wasn't one day that did it, although there were plenty of THOSE days...it was a real estate thing. I had a store in Williamsburg, I lost the lease, rents had gone berserk, I had to make a quick decision...it was either give up the store or give up New York...and I wasn't ready to give up the store. It all happened so fast and before I knew it I was back in Toronto, the place I had only been able to force myself to return to twice in the entire 18 years I lived in NY...wtf just happened?! I couldn't breathe for the first year, I missed NY so much! As though I had let the love of my life just carelessly slip through my fingers. Why hadn't I tried harder? Sacrificed more? Maybe I should have tried Long Island City...on and on! That feeling has lessened over time, to the extent that, the last time I was there (this spring) I remember feeling "I think I might FINALLY be over this place". It's been 7 years and one pandemic since I left and only now, am I able to say that! Thank you for this wonderful nostalgic post!
I related to this so hard. Those ghost selves that haunt the city...yep. I'm so glad you shared this--I don't think I was a subscriber when you posted it originally. Very glad to have had the opportunity to read it.
This is so beautiful. And so so relatable to a place many others exclaim “what a city! But I could never live here of course” and you question your sanity for loving, thriving and surviving a place so so deeply (I live in New Orleans and I can’t leave although the highs and lows of life here are extreme)
So many beautiful lines. I was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY. It’s almost been a year since I’ve left for the South. As much as I miss it, it’s so much softer here especially with raising a child. I visited recently, and the version of me that loved NYC couldn’t wait to return home.
Lovely essay. And a beautiful paragraph here: "There are the rooms we occupy and the ones we forge inside ourselves, layered like nesting dolls. They hold the blueprints to our own secret universe — the maps of where we’ve been, the keys to the places we have yet to go."
I remember reading this wonderful piece like yesterday as a new subscriber from which I took soooo many lessons. Thank you for re-posting it was equally as wonderful, if not more valuable, to read again. Topped off by your just brilliant interpretation of the two of swords. I’ve always kind of worried about pulling this but now it’s meaning is so different and clear to me. X
thank you for reposting this precious one Caroline.. (having a file of your newsletters from day one, I would only have to revisit them in my own archive, but I haven’t done that yet).. as someone having lived on the upper west side for most of the seventies, I deeply agree with you, but also with Joan D and helas, with your friend. NYC, which will always be “the greatest city in the world” for me, was also a broken place of decay in those days, and while it once had liberated me and given me the freedom to be myself you describe SO beautifully, I had to leave before it broke me as well... while especially Manhattan changed so much in the meantime that I hardly recognized it when I was last able to visit 8 years ago, I am happy that it still has that same magic for you! ❤️
"I love it here, where we are all alone, together."
That's what I loved about New York too! And the energy, and the buildings, and the pinch-me feeling that would regularly come over me..."I LIVE IN NEW YORK, BABY"...how fantastic is that! Why did I leave? For me, there wasn't one day that did it, although there were plenty of THOSE days...it was a real estate thing. I had a store in Williamsburg, I lost the lease, rents had gone berserk, I had to make a quick decision...it was either give up the store or give up New York...and I wasn't ready to give up the store. It all happened so fast and before I knew it I was back in Toronto, the place I had only been able to force myself to return to twice in the entire 18 years I lived in NY...wtf just happened?! I couldn't breathe for the first year, I missed NY so much! As though I had let the love of my life just carelessly slip through my fingers. Why hadn't I tried harder? Sacrificed more? Maybe I should have tried Long Island City...on and on! That feeling has lessened over time, to the extent that, the last time I was there (this spring) I remember feeling "I think I might FINALLY be over this place". It's been 7 years and one pandemic since I left and only now, am I able to say that! Thank you for this wonderful nostalgic post!
I related to this so hard. Those ghost selves that haunt the city...yep. I'm so glad you shared this--I don't think I was a subscriber when you posted it originally. Very glad to have had the opportunity to read it.
This is so beautiful. And so so relatable to a place many others exclaim “what a city! But I could never live here of course” and you question your sanity for loving, thriving and surviving a place so so deeply (I live in New Orleans and I can’t leave although the highs and lows of life here are extreme)
So many beautiful lines. I was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY. It’s almost been a year since I’ve left for the South. As much as I miss it, it’s so much softer here especially with raising a child. I visited recently, and the version of me that loved NYC couldn’t wait to return home.
Lovely essay. And a beautiful paragraph here: "There are the rooms we occupy and the ones we forge inside ourselves, layered like nesting dolls. They hold the blueprints to our own secret universe — the maps of where we’ve been, the keys to the places we have yet to go."
I do remember this one! Loved it then. Love it now.
Beautiful essay. But i particularly enjoyed the tarot reading. I am the définition of indecision so it helped me, thank you.
I loved this reminder - ‘We spend our lives moving through spaces.’ ❤️
I remember reading this piece when you first shared it. I loved it then and I love it now. Thank you for re-sharing your work.
I remember reading this wonderful piece like yesterday as a new subscriber from which I took soooo many lessons. Thank you for re-posting it was equally as wonderful, if not more valuable, to read again. Topped off by your just brilliant interpretation of the two of swords. I’ve always kind of worried about pulling this but now it’s meaning is so different and clear to me. X
Loved this just as much the second time as the first time, and maybe even more. xx
I remember this one so well and, if it's possible, may have loved it even more the second time around.
I remember this one well! I love the idea of ghost selves. Beautiful and moving.
This was nothing but brilliant. Truly, truly.
Beautiful writing, loved it!
thank you for reposting this precious one Caroline.. (having a file of your newsletters from day one, I would only have to revisit them in my own archive, but I haven’t done that yet).. as someone having lived on the upper west side for most of the seventies, I deeply agree with you, but also with Joan D and helas, with your friend. NYC, which will always be “the greatest city in the world” for me, was also a broken place of decay in those days, and while it once had liberated me and given me the freedom to be myself you describe SO beautifully, I had to leave before it broke me as well... while especially Manhattan changed so much in the meantime that I hardly recognized it when I was last able to visit 8 years ago, I am happy that it still has that same magic for you! ❤️