Loved this, especially this line: “I spy ghosts all over this town. All of them are me.” Whew. ❤️🔥
I’ve really been feeling the two of swords energy. So many possibilities and options as to where I can go next. Thank you for the reminder to loosen my grip. x
Oooh, I love this post! As an ex-NYer (still a NYer in my heart), it really touched me. The neighbor that can't tolerate your footsteps, the darting night bugs, the subways. Yes to all that! I, too, loved it!
Love this: "Occasionally, there are also places that save us." That was 100% LES for me. Lived there for 25 years starting in the early eighties. Saved me, broke me, saved me, saved me.
I think New York does care about us. I felt like she loved the hell out of me. Truly! But I know we all have our own NYC. Even those of us living there at the same time. I will ponder your words further!
Also: I enjoy learning more about the tarot. I have the Ryder deck and occasionally pull a card then read about it. Your insights are wonderful and give me hope. Which is much appreciated given the crazy world we're all living in!
Thank you, Jane, for this thoughtful comment. I think you're right that NYC cares about us, and like people, has many direct and not-so-direct ways of showing it. I'm going on 21 years this year and never cease to be surprised.
I'm especially thrilled to hear you enjoy learning more about tarot. (And that it gives you hope.) When I first launched the newsletter, I was hesitant to include it because I worried people might judge or misunderstand. But then I thought — it's art, literature, symbolism, stories... all in one beautiful tool. Why wouldn't everyone find something to take away from that? I'm always happy to hear how people are exploring it in their lives!
Yes, she (I always think of NYC this way!) is endlessly surprising!
It's funny how we can get skittish about sharing things in our Substacks that our close to our heart. I get it! I was actually turned onto the tarot by my wonderful (wonderful!) therapist in NYC. We often closed sessions with me pulling a card or sometimes entire sessions were spent on a reading. At first I was (very) resistant but it ended up helping me so much. It's a skill I wish I had. So I'm grateful you have it!
Oh, that's fantastic! I have a friend who was first introduced to the tarot via her therapist (and wound up pursuing it as her career!), and another friend whose therapist would close out sessions by consulting the I Ching. I love that your therapist not only included it, but that it helped you! They sound like a very special person.
I was texting with my sister this morning, reflecting on the way we drew as children and how that will always remain a foundational part of us.
This post resonates profoundly with me; of all the places I have lived, truly immersed my being into, they will always be part of me.
When my creaky old floorboards creak too loudly, or my old house clunks as she settles into another temperature, I marvel at my existence as a custodian of a place for a given slice of time.
All that came before me and all that will come after.
Beautifully written and gave me goosebumps as I read through it. While New York has never done it for me the way it has for you, there are other cities that I think of when I read your piece.
This line is my favourite and hooked me: "There comes a time when visiting places has less to do with touring space and everything to do with touring selves. When driving through a certain part of town or following a detour down a forgotten street becomes a pilgrimage to who we used to be." I can think of several places, cities that I've lived in where if I was to return there now, I would only be able to think of who I was when I was last there.
Brilliant writing. I lived in NY as a nanny when I was 19 and Always thought it would be the place I would return to live. After a ten yr stint in CA and 7 years in TX, Instead, I ended up in Birmingham, ALABAMA. But it was the place I was longing for, the place that I had written about in my diaries. The place I could set down roots and become a part of a community. I have lived in the same neighborhood now for 20 years and I see all the old versions of me walking by the old houses I used to live in, or the baseball field that was my life when my kids were little. A place to grow into myself. And that Tarot, it is what I am feeling right now as the energies are all changing. Time for yet another iteration and a laying down of an older version of me that no longer serves. thank you.
I love this. NYC has been my on and off, mostly on home since I first came here in 2016. Especially this year, there have been times I’ve questioned why I’m here and have certainly been open to and even hoping to go elsewhere. Amidst all of that, NYC has offered so many treasures, from unexpected new friendships to amazing restaurant meals to beautiful and meaningful museum exhibitions. NYC is always changing and my experience here has changed each time, too. It can be really challenging--I see my old friends, back in our hometown, having a much more consistent experience. That being said, the challenges of NYC lead to growth and new discovery, and that is so valuable. I know if I do ultimately leave I’ll always carry the immense growth I’ve had living here with me and that’s beautiful.
“Your reflection as contained by someone’s irises.“ Love this. Every week (now twice) I look for the “heart emoji with exclamation mark” My heart runneth over and a mere heart seems inadequate! Beautiful work, Caroline.
Dear lord, your writing keeps getting better & better. Look for - and look forward to - your emails in my inbox every Monday (& now Wednesday). Thank you. Very much.
Another really interesting post, thank you! Your posts take me right to the place you describe. I have only visited NYC once and was beguiled and would come back in a blink. I have always imagined and wondered what it be like to live there, and like anywhere has its ups and downs I guess. I came with my daughter to visit the diamond quarter to have a special ring made. We only stayed for 5 days but explored the city voraciously. Having lived in the quietness of suburban UK it was a giant feast for the senses and the rush of adrenalin has stayed with me forever, unlike other major cities around the world I've visited. I can see why you would find it so hard to leave. Love the 2 of swords too, it kind of goes with the Full Moon tomorrow and showing the need to let go, open our eyes and see all the great possibilities out there.
Loved this whole installment. And in the tarot reading, this really got me: "Making a choice often means giving something up. Change can be difficult. Letting go is hard. But the alternative is to stay stuck in the same place forever."--wow, I needed that kick today.
this really, really, resonated with me. also couldn't help but notice that "Saint Joan" both left and returned to NY during her saturn return (give or take)
My family loves your writing. Reading your posts and discussing the card of the week with my grown kids is becoming a family tradition.
Reading your comment last night made me tear up. I'm honored to hear this. Thank you.
Loved this, especially this line: “I spy ghosts all over this town. All of them are me.” Whew. ❤️🔥
I’ve really been feeling the two of swords energy. So many possibilities and options as to where I can go next. Thank you for the reminder to loosen my grip. x
Thank you so much. I'm glad it resonated. xx
Oooh, I love this post! As an ex-NYer (still a NYer in my heart), it really touched me. The neighbor that can't tolerate your footsteps, the darting night bugs, the subways. Yes to all that! I, too, loved it!
Love this: "Occasionally, there are also places that save us." That was 100% LES for me. Lived there for 25 years starting in the early eighties. Saved me, broke me, saved me, saved me.
I think New York does care about us. I felt like she loved the hell out of me. Truly! But I know we all have our own NYC. Even those of us living there at the same time. I will ponder your words further!
Also: I enjoy learning more about the tarot. I have the Ryder deck and occasionally pull a card then read about it. Your insights are wonderful and give me hope. Which is much appreciated given the crazy world we're all living in!
Thank you, Jane, for this thoughtful comment. I think you're right that NYC cares about us, and like people, has many direct and not-so-direct ways of showing it. I'm going on 21 years this year and never cease to be surprised.
I'm especially thrilled to hear you enjoy learning more about tarot. (And that it gives you hope.) When I first launched the newsletter, I was hesitant to include it because I worried people might judge or misunderstand. But then I thought — it's art, literature, symbolism, stories... all in one beautiful tool. Why wouldn't everyone find something to take away from that? I'm always happy to hear how people are exploring it in their lives!
Yes, she (I always think of NYC this way!) is endlessly surprising!
It's funny how we can get skittish about sharing things in our Substacks that our close to our heart. I get it! I was actually turned onto the tarot by my wonderful (wonderful!) therapist in NYC. We often closed sessions with me pulling a card or sometimes entire sessions were spent on a reading. At first I was (very) resistant but it ended up helping me so much. It's a skill I wish I had. So I'm grateful you have it!
Oh, that's fantastic! I have a friend who was first introduced to the tarot via her therapist (and wound up pursuing it as her career!), and another friend whose therapist would close out sessions by consulting the I Ching. I love that your therapist not only included it, but that it helped you! They sound like a very special person.
I wonder if we all had the same therapist! 🌸
Gorgeously rendered reflections that I’ll carry with me this week—thank you. New here and an instant fan.
Thank you, Maggie. And welcome! Very glad you're here.
I was texting with my sister this morning, reflecting on the way we drew as children and how that will always remain a foundational part of us.
This post resonates profoundly with me; of all the places I have lived, truly immersed my being into, they will always be part of me.
When my creaky old floorboards creak too loudly, or my old house clunks as she settles into another temperature, I marvel at my existence as a custodian of a place for a given slice of time.
All that came before me and all that will come after.
Thank you, Caroline.💓
Beautifully written and gave me goosebumps as I read through it. While New York has never done it for me the way it has for you, there are other cities that I think of when I read your piece.
This line is my favourite and hooked me: "There comes a time when visiting places has less to do with touring space and everything to do with touring selves. When driving through a certain part of town or following a detour down a forgotten street becomes a pilgrimage to who we used to be." I can think of several places, cities that I've lived in where if I was to return there now, I would only be able to think of who I was when I was last there.
I’ve been to New York only once, but it stayed with me, like an old friend who you see once in a while but it always feels comfortable.
That is such a wonderful way of putting it. Thank you.
Brilliant writing. I lived in NY as a nanny when I was 19 and Always thought it would be the place I would return to live. After a ten yr stint in CA and 7 years in TX, Instead, I ended up in Birmingham, ALABAMA. But it was the place I was longing for, the place that I had written about in my diaries. The place I could set down roots and become a part of a community. I have lived in the same neighborhood now for 20 years and I see all the old versions of me walking by the old houses I used to live in, or the baseball field that was my life when my kids were little. A place to grow into myself. And that Tarot, it is what I am feeling right now as the energies are all changing. Time for yet another iteration and a laying down of an older version of me that no longer serves. thank you.
Favorite piece you've written (following since the Flawed blog) and one of the best things I've read about this place.
Oh my goodness! Flawed blog follower! Thank you - that made my day.
I love this. NYC has been my on and off, mostly on home since I first came here in 2016. Especially this year, there have been times I’ve questioned why I’m here and have certainly been open to and even hoping to go elsewhere. Amidst all of that, NYC has offered so many treasures, from unexpected new friendships to amazing restaurant meals to beautiful and meaningful museum exhibitions. NYC is always changing and my experience here has changed each time, too. It can be really challenging--I see my old friends, back in our hometown, having a much more consistent experience. That being said, the challenges of NYC lead to growth and new discovery, and that is so valuable. I know if I do ultimately leave I’ll always carry the immense growth I’ve had living here with me and that’s beautiful.
“Your reflection as contained by someone’s irises.“ Love this. Every week (now twice) I look for the “heart emoji with exclamation mark” My heart runneth over and a mere heart seems inadequate! Beautiful work, Caroline.
Thank you, thank you. (Just one didn’t feel like enough.)
Dear lord, your writing keeps getting better & better. Look for - and look forward to - your emails in my inbox every Monday (& now Wednesday). Thank you. Very much.
Thank you. This is very kind. And I am so glad you're here — twice a week, at that. ❤️
Thank you for a beautiful post, Caroline.
Another really interesting post, thank you! Your posts take me right to the place you describe. I have only visited NYC once and was beguiled and would come back in a blink. I have always imagined and wondered what it be like to live there, and like anywhere has its ups and downs I guess. I came with my daughter to visit the diamond quarter to have a special ring made. We only stayed for 5 days but explored the city voraciously. Having lived in the quietness of suburban UK it was a giant feast for the senses and the rush of adrenalin has stayed with me forever, unlike other major cities around the world I've visited. I can see why you would find it so hard to leave. Love the 2 of swords too, it kind of goes with the Full Moon tomorrow and showing the need to let go, open our eyes and see all the great possibilities out there.
Loved this whole installment. And in the tarot reading, this really got me: "Making a choice often means giving something up. Change can be difficult. Letting go is hard. But the alternative is to stay stuck in the same place forever."--wow, I needed that kick today.
this really, really, resonated with me. also couldn't help but notice that "Saint Joan" both left and returned to NY during her saturn return (give or take)
Thank you. (And you're right - it never occurred to me, but that is a fascinating observation)