All those books talk about happiness as a final destination: check all these boxes, conquer negative feelings, and achieve that permanent smile. But it’s so nice to think of it as an unexpected treat, you never know when or where a happy moment will strike you and that seems so nice to me.
Well done for tying up those running shoes and getting back out there! You are "embracing onward." I have been writing about being happy to be here, in the messy middle and I love how you understand that so much of adulthood is about asking how we can return to the happiness a child feels, just to be happy to be here. Here and now.
"But today, I understood: I am practicing forward motion."
I shudder to think how close I was to not opening this post today. I would have missed this glorious insight that feels like a birthday gift on so many levels, not least of which is because today IS my birthday. Thank you for the gift 💚
Happiness, similar to thinking positively, similar (but more wistfully) to hoping for the best must be practiced often to keep them alive in your spirit. Letting go of optimism can lead to the dark side. It takes strength and courage and appreciating what you have to stay happy as an adult. Stay strong~b
“Sometimes I pine for a time that wasn’t so dooziful.” This!
What a relatable meditation on finding your footing through constant change, and defining “enough” for yourself when it comes to your own happiness. So much good stuff in this one, Caroline!
Thank you so much for articulating that fear of the future - it’s so good to hear that I’m not the only one!
When I was little, I would build things up in my mind, how I wanted them to be, and would always get disappointed. Somehow I taught myself to not wish for things,and to not set goals, as if I would jinx myself by doing those things. Sadly this has left me drifting through life with no aim - how can you know where you are going without a target to aim for? And yet, I can see sparks of happiness. I just need to relearn how to wish, and work out what to do with myself!
I feel a bit too old to still be wondering what I want to be when I grow up though!
As someone who writes about happiness, I totally get everything you said. We can't go back to toddler bliss, but we can just be and appreciate and enjoy. And, if we can do that without bringing the future (which is scary) or past into it? It's a pretty good moment. Also love the Wheel of Fortune story. Way, way, way back in the day (about 17 year ago), my first book was going to be mentioned in Cosmopolitan magazine! (Did I mention that was, like, 17 years ago?) I thought *for sure* ev-er-y-bo-dy who reads Cosmo (or at least that article) would buy it! This was going to be *life-changing*. How could it not, right? LOL. Not at all. Nothing. (This is back when we had bookstores all around, which we do now, but this was before they disappeared and came back.) I was quoted a couple of more times there; never saw a bump. But I love it when it happens to others, because that's what we all hope for, so it's great someone got it! It's just not been my experience. Yet. LOL. xo
I think I might also be afraid of the future, now that you mention it. A great read, and enjoyed the "happy to be here" outcome. Your description of the Wheel of Fortune card is beautiful, thank you for sharing with us! I look forward to this newsletter on Sundays.
Thanks for the reminder that those surprise days full of fun twists actually... don’t happen that often :)
I’ve been feeling a little sad that they’re not in my life much in my suburban primary parenting life, but... sometimes they still do happen! And who si to say they’d be happening especially often without the kids and the suburbs? Wheel of fortune, baby!
This was a good read for my 10am-and-just-caffeinated brain, thank you...
You probably know this already as a runner, but - there's a thing in some professional adventurer circles that really resonates with me: Type 2 Fun. It's the kind of fun that most definitely is not happiness at the type, involves a certain amount of misery and self-recrimination because there's nobody to blame except yourself, but also feels immensely satisfying after you've done it. Climbing a mountain, say, or running a marathon, or - banging out a newsletter?
The pursuit of Type 2 Fun feels like an honest way to tackle life, even though sometimes it looks a bit bro-tiresome and absurdly masochistic from the outside (and, well, occasionally from the inside.) My friend Brendan wrote a useful & really funny bestselling book about running that's riddled with Type 2 Fun thinking and it also works really well as a guide to creative business: https://www.amazon.com/Hate-Running-You-Can-Too/dp/1579659888
Anyway, I may be rambling here. Sorry. But - one thing I used to struggle with...is struggling. Because I used to buy into a lot of that "the secret of life is FINDING HAPPINESS" stuff. And instead, all I found at every turn was even more struggle. What was I doing wrong? Why did everything remain HARD?
But - and it's a huge 'but' - after a while, increasing my ability to *choose* which things I struggled with started feeling like a good way forward. It's kinda why I'm a freelance writer now, and why I started my Substack.
(This kinda ties in with what Mark Manson, author of "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck", refers to as the better alternative to seeking happiness as a life goal: it's to accept that problems never go away, and if they *did* go away we'd quickly collapse in on ourselves psychologically, so we should just seek to replace all our problems with better and more satisfying problems.)
And in an odd sort of way, this has made me more hopeful for the future - because when every single spin/card-reading of the Wheel of Fortune presents you with another problem, and if you have a "I Should Have Happiness!!!!" mindset you might be expecting an increasing LACK of problems, it's easy to spiral into dread - but if you expect to not (yet!) have the answers to whatever crops up next in your life, you stop dreading problems and start accepting them for what they are - a chance to upgrade to a better quality of Type 2 Fun that's going to be even more rewarding to puzzle your way through?
This incoherent rant was brought to you in association with Lavazza Rossa espresso beans and a certain amount of procrastinating on the next thing I need to write. Thank you.
All those books talk about happiness as a final destination: check all these boxes, conquer negative feelings, and achieve that permanent smile. But it’s so nice to think of it as an unexpected treat, you never know when or where a happy moment will strike you and that seems so nice to me.
Yay! I'm so glad you ran again. And with slow but steady ease. Excited for you and the NYC marathon!
Love the WOF story! May it happen to all of us!
Thank you! 🙂 And yes, that would be wonderful! I'm trying to put it out there, like Field of Dreams for newsletters—if we write it, they will come...?
Yes!
"I'm just happy to be here." That is a lesson that I've had to teach myself over and over again. Thanks for the reminder.
I love the naivete of children in this exact way!
Well done for tying up those running shoes and getting back out there! You are "embracing onward." I have been writing about being happy to be here, in the messy middle and I love how you understand that so much of adulthood is about asking how we can return to the happiness a child feels, just to be happy to be here. Here and now.
loved this one! “she’s just happy to be here” so simple, so true.
"But today, I understood: I am practicing forward motion."
I shudder to think how close I was to not opening this post today. I would have missed this glorious insight that feels like a birthday gift on so many levels, not least of which is because today IS my birthday. Thank you for the gift 💚
I am so glad to hear that. Happy birthday!! Sending warm wishes your way.
Happiness, similar to thinking positively, similar (but more wistfully) to hoping for the best must be practiced often to keep them alive in your spirit. Letting go of optimism can lead to the dark side. It takes strength and courage and appreciating what you have to stay happy as an adult. Stay strong~b
“Sometimes I pine for a time that wasn’t so dooziful.” This!
What a relatable meditation on finding your footing through constant change, and defining “enough” for yourself when it comes to your own happiness. So much good stuff in this one, Caroline!
Thank you so much for articulating that fear of the future - it’s so good to hear that I’m not the only one!
When I was little, I would build things up in my mind, how I wanted them to be, and would always get disappointed. Somehow I taught myself to not wish for things,and to not set goals, as if I would jinx myself by doing those things. Sadly this has left me drifting through life with no aim - how can you know where you are going without a target to aim for? And yet, I can see sparks of happiness. I just need to relearn how to wish, and work out what to do with myself!
I feel a bit too old to still be wondering what I want to be when I grow up though!
“and adventure is largely a mindset” ✨🙌
So happy for you that your running is back on the table. Loved the idea of moving onwards, not running away. Thanks for another great edition 💛
Thank you so much, Meg!
As someone who writes about happiness, I totally get everything you said. We can't go back to toddler bliss, but we can just be and appreciate and enjoy. And, if we can do that without bringing the future (which is scary) or past into it? It's a pretty good moment. Also love the Wheel of Fortune story. Way, way, way back in the day (about 17 year ago), my first book was going to be mentioned in Cosmopolitan magazine! (Did I mention that was, like, 17 years ago?) I thought *for sure* ev-er-y-bo-dy who reads Cosmo (or at least that article) would buy it! This was going to be *life-changing*. How could it not, right? LOL. Not at all. Nothing. (This is back when we had bookstores all around, which we do now, but this was before they disappeared and came back.) I was quoted a couple of more times there; never saw a bump. But I love it when it happens to others, because that's what we all hope for, so it's great someone got it! It's just not been my experience. Yet. LOL. xo
I think I might also be afraid of the future, now that you mention it. A great read, and enjoyed the "happy to be here" outcome. Your description of the Wheel of Fortune card is beautiful, thank you for sharing with us! I look forward to this newsletter on Sundays.
Thanks for the reminder that those surprise days full of fun twists actually... don’t happen that often :)
I’ve been feeling a little sad that they’re not in my life much in my suburban primary parenting life, but... sometimes they still do happen! And who si to say they’d be happening especially often without the kids and the suburbs? Wheel of fortune, baby!
This was a good read for my 10am-and-just-caffeinated brain, thank you...
You probably know this already as a runner, but - there's a thing in some professional adventurer circles that really resonates with me: Type 2 Fun. It's the kind of fun that most definitely is not happiness at the type, involves a certain amount of misery and self-recrimination because there's nobody to blame except yourself, but also feels immensely satisfying after you've done it. Climbing a mountain, say, or running a marathon, or - banging out a newsletter?
The pursuit of Type 2 Fun feels like an honest way to tackle life, even though sometimes it looks a bit bro-tiresome and absurdly masochistic from the outside (and, well, occasionally from the inside.) My friend Brendan wrote a useful & really funny bestselling book about running that's riddled with Type 2 Fun thinking and it also works really well as a guide to creative business: https://www.amazon.com/Hate-Running-You-Can-Too/dp/1579659888
Anyway, I may be rambling here. Sorry. But - one thing I used to struggle with...is struggling. Because I used to buy into a lot of that "the secret of life is FINDING HAPPINESS" stuff. And instead, all I found at every turn was even more struggle. What was I doing wrong? Why did everything remain HARD?
But - and it's a huge 'but' - after a while, increasing my ability to *choose* which things I struggled with started feeling like a good way forward. It's kinda why I'm a freelance writer now, and why I started my Substack.
(This kinda ties in with what Mark Manson, author of "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck", refers to as the better alternative to seeking happiness as a life goal: it's to accept that problems never go away, and if they *did* go away we'd quickly collapse in on ourselves psychologically, so we should just seek to replace all our problems with better and more satisfying problems.)
And in an odd sort of way, this has made me more hopeful for the future - because when every single spin/card-reading of the Wheel of Fortune presents you with another problem, and if you have a "I Should Have Happiness!!!!" mindset you might be expecting an increasing LACK of problems, it's easy to spiral into dread - but if you expect to not (yet!) have the answers to whatever crops up next in your life, you stop dreading problems and start accepting them for what they are - a chance to upgrade to a better quality of Type 2 Fun that's going to be even more rewarding to puzzle your way through?
This incoherent rant was brought to you in association with Lavazza Rossa espresso beans and a certain amount of procrastinating on the next thing I need to write. Thank you.
This week's newsletter felt like a hug I didn't know I needed. Thank you, Caroline! <3
Thank you, Jenny! ❤️