Love - Glory - Money. I'll be thinking about that for a long time! How many of my favorite novels *really* get all 3? I guess we'd have to ask the authors to know! I also think "glory" is so interesting. Receiving credit matters, for sure, but credit from whom. I remember listening to an interview with an HBO TV writer on a big time show (I forget who it was or which show!). But she said, "My parents have never seen the show. They don't have HBO, so." And it really gave me pause. I am convinced my children will hardly care if I publish book. I mean they won't care AT ALL at their current ages, but even as an adults. Will they care? Hard to say. But don't I care about what they think of me more than a high profile book critic? Listen, I know the allegedly "feminist" response: your children care if you have a career! You are modeling a successful career! But I've been a SAHM for the past 4.5 years, writing when I can. And I'll tell you this, even at the risk of sounding anti-feminist: My children care if *I* pick them up from preschool everyday and *I* put them to bed EVERY night. They do. And I do it. Literally 99 percent of the time. And that is what they care about right now. And I get annoyed when people think that doesn't matter. It does. I think caregiving work isn't any more or less valuable than a career pursuit. ANYWAY, that was a very tangential mini rant, sorry, Caroline. haha. Now I have to go off and define success AND glory for myself. Thanks for the thought provoking essay. :) xo.
I love and appreciate all of this, Joyce, thank you for sharing. At its most basic level, I understand feminism to be about equality and choice. (And intersectionality, and lots of political and socio-economic nuance, but I know you're well educated about all of it and that is for another comment.) As a feminist who was raised by a feminist (who was a SAHM during my early childhood years and 'never regretted it for a day') I applaud your work. Whenever I think about "success" having many definitions, my mind immediately jumps to how "value" and "worth" have just as many. There are so many forms of value, in all kinds of work. Caregiving does matter. Doing what resonates with you — and seeing and celebrating the value in it — is a beautiful thing. (And I do suspect that they will care if you publish a book, if only because you are also modeling something wonderful in pursuing your passion and putting your work out there! But I guess time will tell.) Thanks, as always, for the thoughtful comment. ❤️
I am getting a lot of messages about focusing on what I can control, and leaving the rest. Thank you.
Also, I totally get where you’re coming from with the success thing. I had a job for 15 years that enabled me to be financially stable and more, and to make some great friends, but the company itself lost its humanity, and I was constantly told I was focused on the wrong things, despite the fact that I and my team were very successful in managing the horseshit we were tasked with. When I was unceremoniously laid off last summer, it was a blow, but I needed to be gone. They weren’t going to change… and they chose to jettison me. They suffered for it, so the joke was on them, but while I’d like to make that kind of money again, I must have a work culture that is positive and affirming. So, I’m starting my own genealogy business, because I love information and I love connecting people. Website should be up by the end of the week. (And I’m saying that here to keep myself accountable!!)
Also, in reading that quote, it seems fairly obvious that a woman wrote it, not a man.
Ooooooh so much to say on this, as always. You don’t get to cuddle a big career in bed at night, and there’s not much reflected glory among the people closest to you. Big success can be very lonesome, I’ve observed. I guess success to me looks like: courage, good humor and deep intimacy with people who see the best in me and help me rise to the occasion of my most generous and delighted self.
I could talk about this one all day. The difference between being “accomplished,” which I see as more of a checkmark/completion state, and “successful” which is deeper and individual… and can seemingly become an insatiable chasm for some. I love your definition. That sounds like success that is very worth celebrating.
So proud of you for this vulnerable ask ♥️ and I love your new definition of success. I was reading a post here recently on The List of Enough; instead of always striving for more, can we see what we’re doing as already Enough? That one really hit me hard. Sending you (and laughing waiters everywhere) so much love 💘🥰
Thank you so much, my friend. I love the idea of a List of Enough. It does feel like success is a moving target in that way — as soon as we accomplish a goal, we set our sights on the next one, forgetting how far we may have come (or how much we've learned or grown!) along the way. It can be so grounding to sit with where we are and what we're doing and appreciate it for what it is. 💕
I’ll often return to these words (long attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson but actually by Bessie Anderson Stanley) - why does it not surprise me that a man has been given credit 😉
I came to read this after seeing my monthly sub go out, and can confirm for anyone on the fence that it's worth the investment ❤️
As always, Caroline puts into words the musings of my inner soul. If you haven’t made the leap over the Paywall, give it a shot!! The best $$ spent. I so look forward to the Wednesday additions, and they are made all the sweeter knowing I am supporting a writer and her voice. Consider it a replacement for 10 lattes and make your coffee a home for two weeks.
As always your words hit exactly when and where I need them to. I have been struggling with what "success" means to be for a while. In my personal life I am incredibly fortunate. I have the life I dreamt of (and built towards) for decades. But my work aka "career" is nowhere close. I am lucky enough to (mostly) like my work, and get to work from home most of the time, but I am left wondering whether I should be doing something more "important" with my life, whether I should want more, and of course then why I have those thoughts, why it is that deep down I don't feel successful, even when I know I should set my own definitions (not helped by being worse off financially than I've ever been!) Your words today really got me thinking, thank you.
“It feels irresponsible to wear the badge of success as bestowed by someone else, because I don’t know what their definition of success is. It may not match my own. It may not match reality. In fact, it likely doesn’t.”
If more people realized/accepted this fact, the world and the people in it, would be better off🩵
Wow! Thirteen books is so many books!!! 🤩Sometimes it feels like ‘success’ is a social construct where the goal posts are in a perpetual state of motion. We absolutely have to work to define it for ourselves 💛 This was so thought provoking and candid, thank you.
Thanks Caroline for provoking deep thoughts with this essay.
At 62 I feel successful. But that feeling is fairly recent. Some of the recent feeling may come from self-awareness, some of it may come from framing success as being more or less consistent with my current life, so a form of confirmation bias. There's always a constant battle of not allowing self-esteem to turn into complacency or, worse, illusion.
This was the perfect letter to start my day with!!
Today is my first day working "full-time" for the comedy theater I've worked at for 20 years. It's my 15th role (lol) BUT was designed FOR me because of my specific experience and skills. It's also a $100K pay cut from what I was making last year... in a role I liked enough, but didn't fill my cup. To many, that would not equate to success. To me, it's kismet. Love & glory... no money. 2/3 ain't bad!
Happy to hit the streets and help you sell papes!!
Oh, congrats on the new job! It's like the haute couture of roles! I'm excited to hear how it unfolds. I hope it brings heaps of fulfillment and a very full cup!
And I'd love to team up for pape selling any day. Can we have choreography? A music video, perhaps? I am only half joking.
“There are a zillion newsletters I want to subscribe to, but I simply cannot afford it. And everywhere I turn, another writer is hawking a subscription like something out of Newsies.”
Made me laugh!! - and same! It’s such a tricky space right? But you have the subscribers so it only makes SENSE! I hope you get the 1% and more!
Love - Glory - Money. I'll be thinking about that for a long time! How many of my favorite novels *really* get all 3? I guess we'd have to ask the authors to know! I also think "glory" is so interesting. Receiving credit matters, for sure, but credit from whom. I remember listening to an interview with an HBO TV writer on a big time show (I forget who it was or which show!). But she said, "My parents have never seen the show. They don't have HBO, so." And it really gave me pause. I am convinced my children will hardly care if I publish book. I mean they won't care AT ALL at their current ages, but even as an adults. Will they care? Hard to say. But don't I care about what they think of me more than a high profile book critic? Listen, I know the allegedly "feminist" response: your children care if you have a career! You are modeling a successful career! But I've been a SAHM for the past 4.5 years, writing when I can. And I'll tell you this, even at the risk of sounding anti-feminist: My children care if *I* pick them up from preschool everyday and *I* put them to bed EVERY night. They do. And I do it. Literally 99 percent of the time. And that is what they care about right now. And I get annoyed when people think that doesn't matter. It does. I think caregiving work isn't any more or less valuable than a career pursuit. ANYWAY, that was a very tangential mini rant, sorry, Caroline. haha. Now I have to go off and define success AND glory for myself. Thanks for the thought provoking essay. :) xo.
I love and appreciate all of this, Joyce, thank you for sharing. At its most basic level, I understand feminism to be about equality and choice. (And intersectionality, and lots of political and socio-economic nuance, but I know you're well educated about all of it and that is for another comment.) As a feminist who was raised by a feminist (who was a SAHM during my early childhood years and 'never regretted it for a day') I applaud your work. Whenever I think about "success" having many definitions, my mind immediately jumps to how "value" and "worth" have just as many. There are so many forms of value, in all kinds of work. Caregiving does matter. Doing what resonates with you — and seeing and celebrating the value in it — is a beautiful thing. (And I do suspect that they will care if you publish a book, if only because you are also modeling something wonderful in pursuing your passion and putting your work out there! But I guess time will tell.) Thanks, as always, for the thoughtful comment. ❤️
I am getting a lot of messages about focusing on what I can control, and leaving the rest. Thank you.
Also, I totally get where you’re coming from with the success thing. I had a job for 15 years that enabled me to be financially stable and more, and to make some great friends, but the company itself lost its humanity, and I was constantly told I was focused on the wrong things, despite the fact that I and my team were very successful in managing the horseshit we were tasked with. When I was unceremoniously laid off last summer, it was a blow, but I needed to be gone. They weren’t going to change… and they chose to jettison me. They suffered for it, so the joke was on them, but while I’d like to make that kind of money again, I must have a work culture that is positive and affirming. So, I’m starting my own genealogy business, because I love information and I love connecting people. Website should be up by the end of the week. (And I’m saying that here to keep myself accountable!!)
Also, in reading that quote, it seems fairly obvious that a woman wrote it, not a man.
Ooooooh so much to say on this, as always. You don’t get to cuddle a big career in bed at night, and there’s not much reflected glory among the people closest to you. Big success can be very lonesome, I’ve observed. I guess success to me looks like: courage, good humor and deep intimacy with people who see the best in me and help me rise to the occasion of my most generous and delighted self.
I could talk about this one all day. The difference between being “accomplished,” which I see as more of a checkmark/completion state, and “successful” which is deeper and individual… and can seemingly become an insatiable chasm for some. I love your definition. That sounds like success that is very worth celebrating.
So proud of you for this vulnerable ask ♥️ and I love your new definition of success. I was reading a post here recently on The List of Enough; instead of always striving for more, can we see what we’re doing as already Enough? That one really hit me hard. Sending you (and laughing waiters everywhere) so much love 💘🥰
Thank you so much, my friend. I love the idea of a List of Enough. It does feel like success is a moving target in that way — as soon as we accomplish a goal, we set our sights on the next one, forgetting how far we may have come (or how much we've learned or grown!) along the way. It can be so grounding to sit with where we are and what we're doing and appreciate it for what it is. 💕
Loved this!! ❤️ hope your get more paid subscribers from this post 🍀
Thank you, Janet! I appreciate it — and I appreciate you ❤️ ☺️
A beautiful piece of writing, per usual. That story about the waiter had me cackling though. What a gem! 💎
Thank you, Heather! So happy it resonated. (And that I get to share the waiter with this community!)
I’ll often return to these words (long attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson but actually by Bessie Anderson Stanley) - why does it not surprise me that a man has been given credit 😉
I came to read this after seeing my monthly sub go out, and can confirm for anyone on the fence that it's worth the investment ❤️
As always, Caroline puts into words the musings of my inner soul. If you haven’t made the leap over the Paywall, give it a shot!! The best $$ spent. I so look forward to the Wednesday additions, and they are made all the sweeter knowing I am supporting a writer and her voice. Consider it a replacement for 10 lattes and make your coffee a home for two weeks.
Thank you, Bernadette. 🥹❤️
As always your words hit exactly when and where I need them to. I have been struggling with what "success" means to be for a while. In my personal life I am incredibly fortunate. I have the life I dreamt of (and built towards) for decades. But my work aka "career" is nowhere close. I am lucky enough to (mostly) like my work, and get to work from home most of the time, but I am left wondering whether I should be doing something more "important" with my life, whether I should want more, and of course then why I have those thoughts, why it is that deep down I don't feel successful, even when I know I should set my own definitions (not helped by being worse off financially than I've ever been!) Your words today really got me thinking, thank you.
“It feels irresponsible to wear the badge of success as bestowed by someone else, because I don’t know what their definition of success is. It may not match my own. It may not match reality. In fact, it likely doesn’t.”
If more people realized/accepted this fact, the world and the people in it, would be better off🩵
Wow! Thirteen books is so many books!!! 🤩Sometimes it feels like ‘success’ is a social construct where the goal posts are in a perpetual state of motion. We absolutely have to work to define it for ourselves 💛 This was so thought provoking and candid, thank you.
Thanks Caroline for provoking deep thoughts with this essay.
At 62 I feel successful. But that feeling is fairly recent. Some of the recent feeling may come from self-awareness, some of it may come from framing success as being more or less consistent with my current life, so a form of confirmation bias. There's always a constant battle of not allowing self-esteem to turn into complacency or, worse, illusion.
This was the perfect letter to start my day with!!
Today is my first day working "full-time" for the comedy theater I've worked at for 20 years. It's my 15th role (lol) BUT was designed FOR me because of my specific experience and skills. It's also a $100K pay cut from what I was making last year... in a role I liked enough, but didn't fill my cup. To many, that would not equate to success. To me, it's kismet. Love & glory... no money. 2/3 ain't bad!
Happy to hit the streets and help you sell papes!!
Oh, congrats on the new job! It's like the haute couture of roles! I'm excited to hear how it unfolds. I hope it brings heaps of fulfillment and a very full cup!
And I'd love to team up for pape selling any day. Can we have choreography? A music video, perhaps? I am only half joking.
“There are a zillion newsletters I want to subscribe to, but I simply cannot afford it. And everywhere I turn, another writer is hawking a subscription like something out of Newsies.”
Made me laugh!! - and same! It’s such a tricky space right? But you have the subscribers so it only makes SENSE! I hope you get the 1% and more!