Your newsletter always brings me so much joy, Caroline! And often times the card you feature relates to a card I pulled in a reading for myself!
I'm a gen-Xer in the "sandwich caregiver" generation where I'm caring for my elder parents and my son with autism while working full time. The pandemic forced me to give up unhealthy coping mechanisms and come up with a whole new set of ways to deal with hard times. Caregiving for loved ones with autism and dementia can be so daunting sometimes, so I have a few go-to coping strategies for the tough days.
- Be your own best friend
Delight in spending time with yourself and treat yourself super gently after a tough day. Even 20 minutes alone to have a cup of hot coffee is quality time with my best friend, me!
- "Every day is a chance to begin again"
This quote is so useful because it challenges me to let go of stresses, resentments, or hurt from the day and truly work on starting fresh the next day and living in the now moment. I work hard to not take things personally and practice letting go -- so helpful for mindful, compassionate caregiving.
- Create a theme or rituals for yourself each month
I love music and witchy rituals, so I try and plan a new ritual, drawing prompt, and music soundtrack for myself each month. This month, October, my album is Bjork's Fossora, my theme is spiderwebs and spiders, and my mantra is "Abundance."
Once again. thank you for being my Monday morning anchor. I really love the phrase: "This too shall pass." It reminds me that we are on a spinning ball called earth and both the good and the bad shall pass and my role is to be present, to feel it all and know that it will pass. My own personal philosophy is one I have shared with many students (as a teacher) and clients ( as a coach) over the years. Life is like a pearl necklace. Our job is to collect the pearls. Each pearl resembles a moment, perfect, wise, perhaps significant in what it teaches us. But you have to pay attention to find the pearls. A full life is a life lived that collects all the pearls and wears them both proudly and bravely. In Richard E. Grant's new memoir he describes how his late wife instructed him and his daughter, just before her death, to find a "pocket full of joy" every day, even in their grief. This too shall pass, collect the pearls and find the pockets of joy. That is how I try to live and get through the hard times with some optimism.
In college, the mantra my best friend and I employed was “bird by bird,” based, of course, on the Anne Lamott book that neither of us read, but were familiar enough with the title’s origin story to work it into our every day lives. We’d call each other stressing about various deadlines and just say “bird by bird!” an easy shorthand to say just take it one step at a time. I hadn’t thought about it for a while but when I sent her a photo of my parents cluttered home of 20 years that I needed to help move them out of, she used our old slang and it instantly helped me get started.
If I’m particularly disappointed or anxious about something out of my control, I remind myself of a quote my mom has often said to me: “Lo que es para ti, nadie te lo quita” which translates to “What is meant to be yours, no one can take away.”
I also love this mantra one of my yoga teachers closes her classes with: “I love you, keep going. I love you, keep going. I love you, keep going.” ❤️
When I was 19 or so I read The Road Less Travelled By M.Scott Peck. I think my HS psychology teacher had given me his copy. I was struggling with the impact of growing up in a family where domestic violence was the norm. I had left home before graduating from HS determined to pay my way through college with only $600 and was in the grips of suffering from Bulimia which was controlling my entire life. The premise of the book is that life is pain and problems, and once we transcend this we realize that our job is to be good problem solvers. To engage and dive in instead of avoid and push away. This has stuck with me for almost 40 years. I have included an article below with a small summary of this concept.
At 54 I decided I finally had to deal with my wine consumption. My bulimia which I overcame in my 20's had morphed into an alcohol use disorder that my kids were now noticing and I needed to dive in to this problem. To do something I was so afraid of doing. I did it with a community of others because I needed that to do this. I could not do it alone. And I think this is so important. Looking to others to guide us when we have to do hard things we do not want to do. From that experience I have a mantra that comes up on my phone everyday. "I Trust the Evolution of my Life" . I ironically I found you and your writing through my sober community. Thank you for this post. I loved reading everyone's comments. xo
Reading this newsletter on Sunday evening or Monday morning, and reflecting on it, is a calming anchor for me! A mantra that I've found useful to revisit when feeling stressed or anxious, and feel the emotions stopping me from living my life to the fullest, is the "Litany Against Fear" from the novel Dune:
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Thank you so much for this Monday newsletter. It couldn't have come at a better time. Work has been tough with so many changes and challenges and it was starting to feel incredibly overwhelming this morning. The past three years have been hard since my father's death as nothing puts things into perspective like losing someone so important in your life. I try to remember the lessons he taught me on the toughest days. He always tried to see the positive even on the grayest days. On those days, I cuddle and play with my dogs, I laugh with my husband and family, I enjoy a good meal as I love to cook. It's so important to make time for ourselves and to honor those we love.
One thing that helps me get through hard things is putting it into context. I try to remember that everything is impermanent - "This too shall pass." - and to list a few things that are good and that I am grateful for in my life - the hard thing always coexists with good things.
Also, thank you for the text about The Magician. I love the idea that magic comes in many forms!
I really appreciate this piece. When my mom was dying of cancer (probably one of the worst periods of my life), I did all these things. One day at a time. Finding anchors...like running. Finding camaraderie...both IRL and literary. And it got me through. One additional one: trying to find the positive in each day...as small as it is. Whether it was my dog. Or a good meal. Or a funny joke. I always hated when people said: "Everything happens for a reason". I think that's bullshit. Bad things happen to good people who dont deserve it and that's that.
I shared your essay with a good friend who just lost a loved one as well. I think it will be helpful. Thank you.
- I trust the timing of my life. (I forget where I heard this...)
- Let the truth be the truth. (I heard this on Nicole Antoinette's podcast)
I try to start everyday by journaling. It's helpful to get my jumbled thoughts out of my brain and onto a page. I also have a list on my fridge called "Things I can do to feel better" and return to it when I need to be reminded of what feels good (going for a walk, calling a friend, taking a shower, watching funny videos, listening to pump-up music, cuddling my dog, etc).
I read this a couple of days ago, but had no time to comment. I waited, because this is such a biggie for me.
"I can do hard things" became my anchor as I dared to end a decades-long, abusive relationship driven by coercive control and random violence that literally threatened my life.
Through a small community on "Arlyn Says" (before she had her baby), we all began 'chanting' this in our comments and using it as reinforcement for ourselves and each other, since we all have varying degrees of hard things to get through - for there is no getting around them!
I use this term frequently , in coaching others and especially with my 21 yr old mentee (also an abuse survivor/thriver).
While the comment/mantra now seems little cliched, it absolutely rings true in the context of domestic abuse; with the reminder that as we move forward, we are leaving the crux of the "hard things" in our wake.
Ending the relationship was a momentary force of secret-superwoman-power; actually getting him out was a force of determination, bluff and strategy. Something SO HARD, I find it hard to reflect on how I did it ... itwas unbelievably difficult. I nearly didn't make it and nearly chose to pull the proverbial 'pin'.
I'm glad I didn't give up. Turns out, I'm a force to be reckoned with!
Who knew?!
"our personal rituals can be ports in a storm, the tools that grant us a moment of presence or offer respite against the currents of our days." Journalling saved my sanity. Writing continues to unfold the thoughts buried in the folds of my mind. Lighting candles in acts of mindful direction, hope andfortitude guide my path. Sleep is my salve.
Caroline, you're a sage. I cherish your words and delight in your wit.
Years ago, reading the Cup of Jo blog, I saw a comment from another reader who shared a mantra she used during difficult times. I do not remember the exact phrase, but what I have repeated to myself since reading it is "just be a cork in the ocean, bobbing along, knowing that invisible forces are holding you up." When I've felt exhausted or overwhelmed, I've repeated this to myself and imagined that weightless feeling of floating along, knowing that life would take me where I needed to go.
I tend to think of events and experiences as chapters in the book of my life and when something unexpectedly happens - good or bad - I'll think, "plot twist!" Similarly when something expected happens, I'll think, "well, there was a lot of foreshadowing..." This step back and consideration from an author or reader's POV usually helps me get perspective. Not always but usually and I'll take that!
For many years now, my mantra has been, "This is is what you have been waiting for," a line pulled from Marie Howe's poem The Gate. Her younger brother, who died of AIDS, used to say it to her and it reminds me to take stock of all I have right now and let it bring me joy instead of lingering in the past or waiting for the next milestone of the future.
I have experienced some very difficult things in my life, and I am going through some difficult times at the present moment and one of my 'mantras' is This too shall pass' and 'Breathe' and when faced with betrayals by so callled-friends I use the Biblical saying 'throwing pearls before swine" meaning they were not deserving of my kindness. Books have been my saving grace and blogs such as yours along with a hot cup of tea help me get through the day. The magical moment for me will be to get out of this abusive relationship that I am in. Thank you for your lovely blog and for your beautiful writing. It means a lot to me, and I appreciate the beautiful supporting comments. A nice place to visit!
Your newsletter always brings me so much joy, Caroline! And often times the card you feature relates to a card I pulled in a reading for myself!
I'm a gen-Xer in the "sandwich caregiver" generation where I'm caring for my elder parents and my son with autism while working full time. The pandemic forced me to give up unhealthy coping mechanisms and come up with a whole new set of ways to deal with hard times. Caregiving for loved ones with autism and dementia can be so daunting sometimes, so I have a few go-to coping strategies for the tough days.
- Be your own best friend
Delight in spending time with yourself and treat yourself super gently after a tough day. Even 20 minutes alone to have a cup of hot coffee is quality time with my best friend, me!
- "Every day is a chance to begin again"
This quote is so useful because it challenges me to let go of stresses, resentments, or hurt from the day and truly work on starting fresh the next day and living in the now moment. I work hard to not take things personally and practice letting go -- so helpful for mindful, compassionate caregiving.
- Create a theme or rituals for yourself each month
I love music and witchy rituals, so I try and plan a new ritual, drawing prompt, and music soundtrack for myself each month. This month, October, my album is Bjork's Fossora, my theme is spiderwebs and spiders, and my mantra is "Abundance."
Sending warm hugs!
Amanda H.
Once again. thank you for being my Monday morning anchor. I really love the phrase: "This too shall pass." It reminds me that we are on a spinning ball called earth and both the good and the bad shall pass and my role is to be present, to feel it all and know that it will pass. My own personal philosophy is one I have shared with many students (as a teacher) and clients ( as a coach) over the years. Life is like a pearl necklace. Our job is to collect the pearls. Each pearl resembles a moment, perfect, wise, perhaps significant in what it teaches us. But you have to pay attention to find the pearls. A full life is a life lived that collects all the pearls and wears them both proudly and bravely. In Richard E. Grant's new memoir he describes how his late wife instructed him and his daughter, just before her death, to find a "pocket full of joy" every day, even in their grief. This too shall pass, collect the pearls and find the pockets of joy. That is how I try to live and get through the hard times with some optimism.
In college, the mantra my best friend and I employed was “bird by bird,” based, of course, on the Anne Lamott book that neither of us read, but were familiar enough with the title’s origin story to work it into our every day lives. We’d call each other stressing about various deadlines and just say “bird by bird!” an easy shorthand to say just take it one step at a time. I hadn’t thought about it for a while but when I sent her a photo of my parents cluttered home of 20 years that I needed to help move them out of, she used our old slang and it instantly helped me get started.
If I’m particularly disappointed or anxious about something out of my control, I remind myself of a quote my mom has often said to me: “Lo que es para ti, nadie te lo quita” which translates to “What is meant to be yours, no one can take away.”
I also love this mantra one of my yoga teachers closes her classes with: “I love you, keep going. I love you, keep going. I love you, keep going.” ❤️
Wow beautiful, thank you for sharing!
When I was 19 or so I read The Road Less Travelled By M.Scott Peck. I think my HS psychology teacher had given me his copy. I was struggling with the impact of growing up in a family where domestic violence was the norm. I had left home before graduating from HS determined to pay my way through college with only $600 and was in the grips of suffering from Bulimia which was controlling my entire life. The premise of the book is that life is pain and problems, and once we transcend this we realize that our job is to be good problem solvers. To engage and dive in instead of avoid and push away. This has stuck with me for almost 40 years. I have included an article below with a small summary of this concept.
https://www.awakin.org/v2/read/view.php?tid=249Trust the Evolution of your life
At 54 I decided I finally had to deal with my wine consumption. My bulimia which I overcame in my 20's had morphed into an alcohol use disorder that my kids were now noticing and I needed to dive in to this problem. To do something I was so afraid of doing. I did it with a community of others because I needed that to do this. I could not do it alone. And I think this is so important. Looking to others to guide us when we have to do hard things we do not want to do. From that experience I have a mantra that comes up on my phone everyday. "I Trust the Evolution of my Life" . I ironically I found you and your writing through my sober community. Thank you for this post. I loved reading everyone's comments. xo
Reading this newsletter on Sunday evening or Monday morning, and reflecting on it, is a calming anchor for me! A mantra that I've found useful to revisit when feeling stressed or anxious, and feel the emotions stopping me from living my life to the fullest, is the "Litany Against Fear" from the novel Dune:
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Thank you so much for this Monday newsletter. It couldn't have come at a better time. Work has been tough with so many changes and challenges and it was starting to feel incredibly overwhelming this morning. The past three years have been hard since my father's death as nothing puts things into perspective like losing someone so important in your life. I try to remember the lessons he taught me on the toughest days. He always tried to see the positive even on the grayest days. On those days, I cuddle and play with my dogs, I laugh with my husband and family, I enjoy a good meal as I love to cook. It's so important to make time for ourselves and to honor those we love.
One thing that helps me get through hard things is putting it into context. I try to remember that everything is impermanent - "This too shall pass." - and to list a few things that are good and that I am grateful for in my life - the hard thing always coexists with good things.
Also, thank you for the text about The Magician. I love the idea that magic comes in many forms!
I really appreciate this piece. When my mom was dying of cancer (probably one of the worst periods of my life), I did all these things. One day at a time. Finding anchors...like running. Finding camaraderie...both IRL and literary. And it got me through. One additional one: trying to find the positive in each day...as small as it is. Whether it was my dog. Or a good meal. Or a funny joke. I always hated when people said: "Everything happens for a reason". I think that's bullshit. Bad things happen to good people who dont deserve it and that's that.
I shared your essay with a good friend who just lost a loved one as well. I think it will be helpful. Thank you.
Good things will come. That’s what I tell myself. What I tell my daughters. That’s what I wait for. Good things ❤️
This year I've returned to these two quotes:
- I trust the timing of my life. (I forget where I heard this...)
- Let the truth be the truth. (I heard this on Nicole Antoinette's podcast)
I try to start everyday by journaling. It's helpful to get my jumbled thoughts out of my brain and onto a page. I also have a list on my fridge called "Things I can do to feel better" and return to it when I need to be reminded of what feels good (going for a walk, calling a friend, taking a shower, watching funny videos, listening to pump-up music, cuddling my dog, etc).
Yes! I say "Shine the light on the truth".
I read this a couple of days ago, but had no time to comment. I waited, because this is such a biggie for me.
"I can do hard things" became my anchor as I dared to end a decades-long, abusive relationship driven by coercive control and random violence that literally threatened my life.
Through a small community on "Arlyn Says" (before she had her baby), we all began 'chanting' this in our comments and using it as reinforcement for ourselves and each other, since we all have varying degrees of hard things to get through - for there is no getting around them!
I use this term frequently , in coaching others and especially with my 21 yr old mentee (also an abuse survivor/thriver).
While the comment/mantra now seems little cliched, it absolutely rings true in the context of domestic abuse; with the reminder that as we move forward, we are leaving the crux of the "hard things" in our wake.
Ending the relationship was a momentary force of secret-superwoman-power; actually getting him out was a force of determination, bluff and strategy. Something SO HARD, I find it hard to reflect on how I did it ... itwas unbelievably difficult. I nearly didn't make it and nearly chose to pull the proverbial 'pin'.
I'm glad I didn't give up. Turns out, I'm a force to be reckoned with!
Who knew?!
"our personal rituals can be ports in a storm, the tools that grant us a moment of presence or offer respite against the currents of our days." Journalling saved my sanity. Writing continues to unfold the thoughts buried in the folds of my mind. Lighting candles in acts of mindful direction, hope andfortitude guide my path. Sleep is my salve.
Caroline, you're a sage. I cherish your words and delight in your wit.
Rusty 🥰
Years ago, reading the Cup of Jo blog, I saw a comment from another reader who shared a mantra she used during difficult times. I do not remember the exact phrase, but what I have repeated to myself since reading it is "just be a cork in the ocean, bobbing along, knowing that invisible forces are holding you up." When I've felt exhausted or overwhelmed, I've repeated this to myself and imagined that weightless feeling of floating along, knowing that life would take me where I needed to go.
I tend to think of events and experiences as chapters in the book of my life and when something unexpectedly happens - good or bad - I'll think, "plot twist!" Similarly when something expected happens, I'll think, "well, there was a lot of foreshadowing..." This step back and consideration from an author or reader's POV usually helps me get perspective. Not always but usually and I'll take that!
For many years now, my mantra has been, "This is is what you have been waiting for," a line pulled from Marie Howe's poem The Gate. Her younger brother, who died of AIDS, used to say it to her and it reminds me to take stock of all I have right now and let it bring me joy instead of lingering in the past or waiting for the next milestone of the future.
I have experienced some very difficult things in my life, and I am going through some difficult times at the present moment and one of my 'mantras' is This too shall pass' and 'Breathe' and when faced with betrayals by so callled-friends I use the Biblical saying 'throwing pearls before swine" meaning they were not deserving of my kindness. Books have been my saving grace and blogs such as yours along with a hot cup of tea help me get through the day. The magical moment for me will be to get out of this abusive relationship that I am in. Thank you for your lovely blog and for your beautiful writing. It means a lot to me, and I appreciate the beautiful supporting comments. A nice place to visit!