Caroline, you're incredible. Whether you publish 55 more books or you never publish another. My admiration and adoration remains the same. I think most of your readers feel this way. YOU are the great thing. Books, no books. Wild success or staying in the exact same spot. Just You.
A Chorus Line was one of my childhood best friend's favorite musicals. I wasn't really into musicals but she showed me the movie and I thought it was spectacular! We would listen to the soundtrack and watch the movie all the time. Her poor parents. Reading this brought back so many memories that I had forgotten until now. Thank you.
That Hangman card was LOUD!!!! And just what I needed to read on this Sunday afternoon. Again, thank you. 💕
You wrote everything I was thinking Jenovia! Thank you 🙏
Caroline, you are incredible. I don't know how you get inside my head and write all the things I'm thinking and writing about, and I don't care. I'm just grateful you exist and that I found you. 🥰
I love everything about this comment. You are the best, and I can’t put into words how much I appreciate your support and encouragement. Thank you.
I laughed out loud about your childhood friend’s love of A Chorus Line. That was me, too. The lyrics that flew over my head at that time! Or the ones I utterly misinterpreted. Or running around the house singing, “I hope I get this job!!!” Foreshadowing, I guess. I am so grateful for the different people we get to be, and the love and humor we can hold for previous versions. 😬💕
This is beautiful and, once again, I find so much in your writing and your exploration of your truths and your growth that I can relate to. So much. And the message of the hanged man is just what I needed to hear.
When you do eventually finish your book, it will be amazing. I have no doubt about it.
Aw, beautiful. Of course, I see myself in so much of this. Thanks for articulating it so elegantly and thoughtfully. Tomorrow we'll talk about my essays and your novel!
And, dang it, I also detest that saying. Alongside, "Life/god doesn't give you more than you can handle." The fact that people harm or kill themselves disproves that one.
What an honour to get a front row to your becoming. You have given us a vantage point to shift our own perspective and from that we get permission to be with all that is coming ourselves, even if it is uncomfortable. While so much of your becoming is private and quiet, what you share with us, in public is a gift. Thank you.
We all have a "novel." Something we've pinned our hopes to and are so afraid it might actually turn into something. Thanks for putting it into words, woof, now how to actually move it forward
Ha! An excellent question. I briefly considered making an audio recording of this one so I could sing at least a verse (added value!) but alas I’ve had a bad case of stage fright that descended at some point in adulthood. Maybe one day…
“We love when grit proves triumphant, but when it doesn’t, we write it off as delusion.” This hit me hard. I’m currently dealing with something in my personal life that requires grit, but I’m struggling as to whether I’m being naive and delusional or doing the right thing by remaining steadfast. You have such a gift for putting feelings and thoughts into concrete words. Your essays always make me pause and reflect.
Also, I think your mom and my mom would have gotten along swimmingly. I think there might be no other relationship as complicated as a mother/daughter relationship. But, no matter what you do — or don’t do — please don’t ever doubt the art, inspiration and value you’ve already shared with all of us.
Thank you for sharing your honest feelings with us. You didn't have to, but you did, and it helped me (and many others!) relate. I have been trying hard to lean into the 'Anger' part of The Artist's Way and listen to my anger/frustration and use it to take action, but I fall in the "What's the point?" trap when I see others succeed and get jealous despite the fact that have put in no effort whatsoever.
I also grew up with A Chorus Line and your newsletter is my ballet. Everything... is beautiful... at Between a Rock and a Card Place.
It is a privilege to be connected by these webs of words in this frontier of information and humanity— Substack is so wild. Thank you for sharing your fears and feelings— I hope to read along with your becoming moments for as long as you share them ❤️ Also I love the dance photo, and I’m inspired to remember my own performances of youth, and their photographic evidences. It’s important to remember I was little too, and starry eyed. I forget that girl sometimes.
Meanwhile: your card pull moved me, and I wasn’t expecting that from the Hanged Man. Thank you for your work, and the words you share. I’m so glad you’re here.
I am also to the point in my novel ms where I wonder if I fear completing it. I have a draft done but am editing *a lot* and just decided to switch one POV character from third to first 😳there’s a part of me that really believes in that change (I have my reasons!) but another part has started to wonder if all these edits are also delay tactics from the terrifying prospect of pitching agents.
When I was standing on the precipice of a big life shift - that I’m still going through - I was having a little crying tiff in the car with my husband (as one does). He asked me what I was afraid of - in response, I said, begrudgingly, “getting everything I’ve ever wanted.” It is scary to be so close to something you want so badly - because what if you screw it up?
I might still screw it up, but so far it’s been worth trying. And who knows - maybe I’ll get everything I ever wanted. I hope you feel the same. - Margaret
Clearly you are psychic, as they used What I Did for Love as the In Memoriam song for the Tony’s (my favorite awards show) which aired last night!
My mother loved that musical, and I grew up listening to the Broadway soundtrack. (One of my parents’ friends asked if 7 year old me should really be listening to it…) I recently used Shit Ritchie, Shit Ritchie! as one of the songs in my posts… That and of course, Tits and Ass can change your life, they sure chaaaanged miiiine. At the Ballet, and I Can Do That. The song I never liked was The Music and The Mirror… it was waaaaay too long.
Here’s the thing though, I haaaaated the play, itself. The play is absolutely depressing and when I saw it when It came to Baltimore I was so disappointed because I LOVE the music. I think after all the years of listening to the music I had created a story in my head, and it was so not what was playing out on stage. And I mean, who hasn’t done a kick line in their living room to One???
Regarding your fear of success, rest assured that everyone has that fear. It’s normal. We play small because it’s safer and we know the rules and the players. What if we make it? What then? How will our relationships change? How will we handle the increased expectations from ourselves and other people? The unknown is so much scarier than the known, even when we KNOW that we’re capable of so much more. The key is knowing that whether you do or don’t do, you’re enough. You have nothing to prove.
Thank you for the card interpretation. It’s certainly an accurate/applicable one for me right now.
Loved your photo in the chorus line!!! ❤️❤️❤️ (side note is it really only for paid subscribers? So cool!) also loved small things with great love 🫶🏼 so true
Thank you!! Yes, this week’s entire Sunday letter is just for paid subscribers.☺️ (The free list only gets one or two letters a month, the paid list gets it every Sunday plus the bonus ones most-but-not-every week. I’ve found this schedule lets me write more freely on more personal/vulnerable things since I know it’s only going to people who are interested/supportive. And that goes for old photos, too!)
Caroline, you're incredible. Whether you publish 55 more books or you never publish another. My admiration and adoration remains the same. I think most of your readers feel this way. YOU are the great thing. Books, no books. Wild success or staying in the exact same spot. Just You.
A Chorus Line was one of my childhood best friend's favorite musicals. I wasn't really into musicals but she showed me the movie and I thought it was spectacular! We would listen to the soundtrack and watch the movie all the time. Her poor parents. Reading this brought back so many memories that I had forgotten until now. Thank you.
That Hangman card was LOUD!!!! And just what I needed to read on this Sunday afternoon. Again, thank you. 💕
You wrote everything I was thinking Jenovia! Thank you 🙏
Caroline, you are incredible. I don't know how you get inside my head and write all the things I'm thinking and writing about, and I don't care. I'm just grateful you exist and that I found you. 🥰
❤️🔥🫂
I love everything about this comment. You are the best, and I can’t put into words how much I appreciate your support and encouragement. Thank you.
I laughed out loud about your childhood friend’s love of A Chorus Line. That was me, too. The lyrics that flew over my head at that time! Or the ones I utterly misinterpreted. Or running around the house singing, “I hope I get this job!!!” Foreshadowing, I guess. I am so grateful for the different people we get to be, and the love and humor we can hold for previous versions. 😬💕
The pleasure is all mine 🫂
This is an incredible essay ✨
Confession: I am fearful of all the same things! Here’s to more love and less fear 💛
Thank you, Meg. 💛
This is beautiful and, once again, I find so much in your writing and your exploration of your truths and your growth that I can relate to. So much. And the message of the hanged man is just what I needed to hear.
When you do eventually finish your book, it will be amazing. I have no doubt about it.
Aw, beautiful. Of course, I see myself in so much of this. Thanks for articulating it so elegantly and thoughtfully. Tomorrow we'll talk about my essays and your novel!
And, dang it, I also detest that saying. Alongside, "Life/god doesn't give you more than you can handle." The fact that people harm or kill themselves disproves that one.
What an honour to get a front row to your becoming. You have given us a vantage point to shift our own perspective and from that we get permission to be with all that is coming ourselves, even if it is uncomfortable. While so much of your becoming is private and quiet, what you share with us, in public is a gift. Thank you.
We all have a "novel." Something we've pinned our hopes to and are so afraid it might actually turn into something. Thanks for putting it into words, woof, now how to actually move it forward
I loved this essay, but I have to ask... Do we get to hear you sing the song?
Ha! An excellent question. I briefly considered making an audio recording of this one so I could sing at least a verse (added value!) but alas I’ve had a bad case of stage fright that descended at some point in adulthood. Maybe one day…
Next time 😂
“We love when grit proves triumphant, but when it doesn’t, we write it off as delusion.” This hit me hard. I’m currently dealing with something in my personal life that requires grit, but I’m struggling as to whether I’m being naive and delusional or doing the right thing by remaining steadfast. You have such a gift for putting feelings and thoughts into concrete words. Your essays always make me pause and reflect.
Also, I think your mom and my mom would have gotten along swimmingly. I think there might be no other relationship as complicated as a mother/daughter relationship. But, no matter what you do — or don’t do — please don’t ever doubt the art, inspiration and value you’ve already shared with all of us.
Thank you for sharing your honest feelings with us. You didn't have to, but you did, and it helped me (and many others!) relate. I have been trying hard to lean into the 'Anger' part of The Artist's Way and listen to my anger/frustration and use it to take action, but I fall in the "What's the point?" trap when I see others succeed and get jealous despite the fact that have put in no effort whatsoever.
I also grew up with A Chorus Line and your newsletter is my ballet. Everything... is beautiful... at Between a Rock and a Card Place.
It is a privilege to be connected by these webs of words in this frontier of information and humanity— Substack is so wild. Thank you for sharing your fears and feelings— I hope to read along with your becoming moments for as long as you share them ❤️ Also I love the dance photo, and I’m inspired to remember my own performances of youth, and their photographic evidences. It’s important to remember I was little too, and starry eyed. I forget that girl sometimes.
Meanwhile: your card pull moved me, and I wasn’t expecting that from the Hanged Man. Thank you for your work, and the words you share. I’m so glad you’re here.
Baby you at summer stock. Love it.
Thank you ❤️
I am also to the point in my novel ms where I wonder if I fear completing it. I have a draft done but am editing *a lot* and just decided to switch one POV character from third to first 😳there’s a part of me that really believes in that change (I have my reasons!) but another part has started to wonder if all these edits are also delay tactics from the terrifying prospect of pitching agents.
When I was standing on the precipice of a big life shift - that I’m still going through - I was having a little crying tiff in the car with my husband (as one does). He asked me what I was afraid of - in response, I said, begrudgingly, “getting everything I’ve ever wanted.” It is scary to be so close to something you want so badly - because what if you screw it up?
I might still screw it up, but so far it’s been worth trying. And who knows - maybe I’ll get everything I ever wanted. I hope you feel the same. - Margaret
Clearly you are psychic, as they used What I Did for Love as the In Memoriam song for the Tony’s (my favorite awards show) which aired last night!
My mother loved that musical, and I grew up listening to the Broadway soundtrack. (One of my parents’ friends asked if 7 year old me should really be listening to it…) I recently used Shit Ritchie, Shit Ritchie! as one of the songs in my posts… That and of course, Tits and Ass can change your life, they sure chaaaanged miiiine. At the Ballet, and I Can Do That. The song I never liked was The Music and The Mirror… it was waaaaay too long.
Here’s the thing though, I haaaaated the play, itself. The play is absolutely depressing and when I saw it when It came to Baltimore I was so disappointed because I LOVE the music. I think after all the years of listening to the music I had created a story in my head, and it was so not what was playing out on stage. And I mean, who hasn’t done a kick line in their living room to One???
Regarding your fear of success, rest assured that everyone has that fear. It’s normal. We play small because it’s safer and we know the rules and the players. What if we make it? What then? How will our relationships change? How will we handle the increased expectations from ourselves and other people? The unknown is so much scarier than the known, even when we KNOW that we’re capable of so much more. The key is knowing that whether you do or don’t do, you’re enough. You have nothing to prove.
Thank you for the card interpretation. It’s certainly an accurate/applicable one for me right now.
Loved your photo in the chorus line!!! ❤️❤️❤️ (side note is it really only for paid subscribers? So cool!) also loved small things with great love 🫶🏼 so true
Thank you!! Yes, this week’s entire Sunday letter is just for paid subscribers.☺️ (The free list only gets one or two letters a month, the paid list gets it every Sunday plus the bonus ones most-but-not-every week. I’ve found this schedule lets me write more freely on more personal/vulnerable things since I know it’s only going to people who are interested/supportive. And that goes for old photos, too!)
I just love this. You inspire me a lot, and your writing is often where I turn when I do need that precious inspiration. Thank you for the words ✨
That means a lot. Thank you. ❤️