9 Books to Soothe Your Nervous System

and maybe change your life.

I’ve been tearing through books like the Cookie Monster gobbles up cookies. It’s as though I’m seeking an escape… <laughs, cries, picks up book>

‘Tis the season of beach reads, and while I have nothing against tales that are frothy, fun, or thrilling (I’ve been gobbling plenty of those), I sometimes yearn for something different: a book that offers not only escape, but also solace.

To that end, here are nine titles that deliver — in different ways, for different moods. These are books I’ve reached for over and over, books I love and praise and push upon anyone who will listen. Maybe you’ll love them, too.

When Things Fall Apart
I’ve been recommending this book for years, but as things have a tendency to fall apart, I don’t imagine I'll be stopping anytime soon. My well-loved copy is full of underlines and marginalia, so rather than a summary, I thought I’d offer an assortment of lines I’ve starred over the years:

• “Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all… When there's a big disappointment, we don't know if that's the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure.”

• “Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look.”

• “Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”

Margo’s Got Money Troubles
Sometimes, you’re just in the mood for fiction. This is among the best novels I read last year, and easily an all-time favorite. I’ve recommended it to multiple friends, all of whom loved it. Here is a text one recently sent me, at six o’clock in the morning:

You are sold, yes?

The premise, in a nutshell: Margo Millet, the only child of a Hooters waitress and an ex-pro wrestler, has an affair with her married professor, gets pregnant, and becomes a single parent with a cash flow problem. As an experiment, she decides to create an OnlyFans. What could go wrong?

It’s smart, zany, touching, hilarious, and full of heart. As far as nervous-system-soothing goes, there are some stressful moments because, you know, narrative tension. But the story is wonderfully immersive, with a cast of characters I came to deeply care about. It just came out in paperback and is currently being adapted for TV, so read it first!

A Physical Education
One of the most profound experiences of my adult life was…joining a gym.

I’d joined gyms before — fancy gyms, budget gyms, boutique “studios” that pretended not to be gyms — but they never stuck. And then one day in 2014, I wandered into a group fitness class that changed everything.

The life-changing was less about the moves than the instructor, whose confidence and authenticity were as powerful as her physical strength. She taught me to claim and take up space, helped liberate me from a lifetime of programming shouting to diet and exercise, to the power of learning how to nourish, train, and rest. Before that point, I wouldn’t have described myself as strong. Resilient, maybe. Resourceful, sure. But showing up at that gym — as myself, for myself — changed me on a spiritual level.

Reading Casey Johnston’s memoir gave me much the same feeling. On the surface, it’s the story of one woman’s journey into lifting, but like any hero’s journey, it’s about so much more. If you’re interested in weightlifting, it will surely resonate, but that’s not a prerequisite. A worthy, entertaining, and enlightening read for anyone inhabiting a body.

Briefly Perfectly Human
I know, what a bummer, this is supposed to be a list about soothing your nervous system and I had to go and bring up death.

Here in America, this isn’t something we like to talk about. For all the wild popularity of True Crime pods and docs, we keep the essence of dying — SOMETHING LITERALLY EVERYONE WILL EXPERIENCE — shrouded from view. Unless you work in hospice care (bless you), death is something encountered from a distance, something that happens to other people. Until it graces your life.

Whether or not you are in a season touched by the specter of loss or mortality, this gorgeous memoir is worth a read. Alua Arthur will help reframe the way you think about death — and just as importantly, life. By coming to terms with the end, we can live with as much richness and meaning as humanly possible.

The Luminous Self
My all-time favorite yoga teacher might just be magic—inspiring, invigorating, and calming, at once. In a word, she is easeful, and when you’re in her presence, it cannot help but rub off on you. This is like that in book form.

This isn’t so much a book that I sit and read from cover to cover (although you certainly could), but one I dip into when I’m seeking a moment of solace. A collection of personal stories and practices — writing, meditation, yoga nidra, community care, nature rituals, and more — this book is not only a wonderful addition for both students and teachers of yoga, but for anyone seeking to nurture the light already within us.

Tao Te Ching
The very first college class I attended was Intro to Political Theory. The professor was so passionate about the material that he was known to climb atop the lectern, pumping his fists in the air and shouting until the class next door came to see what the commotion was about. It’s no wonder I fell in love with everything he taught, and eventually came to major in it.

The syllabus included Plato, Aristotle, Machiavelli, Gandhi, Malcolm X… but the first text we covered, on that first day of school, was Tao Te Ching. I still have my well-loved copy (the back cover boasts a “used” sticker), and refer to it often.

A favorite passage, from its yellowed pages:

Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?

If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

Though it is believed to be written around the 4th century B.C., its verses still land like an arrow to the heart. A reminder that wisdom, and human experience, transcends the ages.

Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake
I have often dreamt of a mentor who shares vulnerably, offers wise counsel, and is an excellent storyteller, to boot. This has mostly proven to be a fantasy, but at least there is Anna Quindlen.

This memoir covers everything from friendship to marriage to parenting to bodies to aging, to the greater why behind it all. I first read it in my twenties, and again when I turned thirty, and again on the cusp of forty, with a few flip-throughs in between. Every time I pick it up, I appreciate it anew depending on where I am at the moment. (Perhaps it’s time to read it again…)

The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control
This book won’t be for everyone. But if you, like me, identify as a perfectionist, it is most certainly for you. I’ve sung its praises before (and shared a Q&A with the author), but it bears repeating.

According to psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler, perfection is not something to be cured, corrected, or solved by “finding balance.” Rather, it can be utilized as the power it is. Don’t let the psychology/self-help exterior turn you off: I found this to be a pleasure to read. Few books have urged me to action as a result of simply having read them — this is one such book. If you could use some help getting out of your own way, I cannot recommend it enough.

The Spirituality of Imperfection
Where Perfectionist’s Guide tackles imperfection from a psychological standpoint, this book approaches it from a spiritual one.

Through over a hundred stories from various traditions — including the wisdom of ancient Greeks, Jewish scholars, early Christians, Buddhist teachers, the Quran, contemporary psychology, Alcoholics Anonymous, and more — this book teaches that imperfection is inevitable, as is pain and failure. But through our hurt, we find the potential for healing, and the path to wholeness.

“To be human is to ask unanswerable questions, but to persist in asking them… Spirituality helps us first to see, and then to understand, and eventually to accept the imperfection that lies at the very core of our human be-ing. Spirituality accepts that 'If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.”

Amen to that.

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Honorable mention goes to these noticeably absent titles: The Power of Now, The Artist’s Way, and Women Who Run With the Wolves, in which I’ve found much comfort and value, but whose wonders are well-documented.

What books would be on your list? Let us know in the comments!

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This Wednesday July 2nd, from 4-5p.m. ET, I’ll be offering individual one-card readings for paid subscribers.

I’ll open a new chat thread at 4:00 and provide a photo and short message to anyone who would like one. If you’d like me to pull a card for you, pop in and let me know!

(If you can’t make it this week, don’t worry, there will be plenty more hangs — via LIVE, Zoom, and chat — in the future.)

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In case you missed it…

• Last week’s essay, on luck, jealousy, and envy.

• The previous week’s, on befriending my alter ego.

This will make sense to those who’ve read the second essay, above.

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As always, thank you so much for reading. ❤️