"You can’t waste time. It’s impossible."

Five Big Questions with Aliza Sir and Aja Frost

Aja (left) and Aliza (right)

Today I’m excited to share a special double round of Five Big Questions, featuring Aliza Sir and Aja Frost, the writers and co-founders behind Platonic Love.

Their twice-weekly newsletter features personal essays, curated recs, and conversations on friendship, creativity, motherhood…and whatever else is on their minds. I’ve especially enjoyed their willingness to tackle topics from how to help a friend through grief to going off Lexapro to scoring great vintage finds.

(And I was honored to be a guest on this week’s installment of Links We Sent Our Friends!)

Without further ado, here are Aliza and Aja, in their own words.

What’s one thing you struggle with that people might be surprised to hear?

Aliza: I have a hard time being proud of myself… at least for the things that really matter. (My friends know that I’m always proud of myself when I find a great parking spot!) In most cases, I’m quick to minimize the work and dedication that it’s taken me to get somewhere — whether that’s a new job, a promotion, or a relationship with a friend. 

I think a lot of this is my imposter syndrome speaking. 

Aja: I joke pretty often that I’m a “bad texter,” which is my way of telling the people in my life not to expect a quick (or sometimes any) response. This might be okay — good, even — if I wasn’t texting back because my phone was out of sight, out of mind, but I’m usually ignoring texts while I’m scrolling Substack, Reddit, or TikTok. 

Here’s the thing: Texting spikes my social anxiety. While I’m having a conversation, my whole body tenses up. I feel a lot of pressure to say the right thing and frequently second-guess myself before pressing “send,” resulting in frantic back-spacing and rewriting while I mentally count how many seconds it’s been. It’s usually easier to leave messages unopened. 

This tendency has, I think, weakened some of my long-distance relationships. 

One of my newer friends is also a bad texter, and after a few rounds of, “Sorry for the delay” on both sides, I suggested a rule: Neither of us ever need to feel bad about how long it’s been between texts. We won’t apologize or even acknowledge it. This has actually been game-changing — I don’t feel any pressure to read or respond to her, so of course, I do it frequently and without anxiety. Maybe instead of telling people I’m a bad texter I should just propose this rule… 

What’s one thing you’re proud of?

Aja: Aliza and I talk about pride a lot! Specifically, how hard it is to feel unadulterated pride (and conversely, how easy it is to feel guilt.) So, thank you for asking this question. 

Here are some things that came to mind:

• My career

• Platonic Love

• My relationship with exercise (it’s gotten a lot healthier over the years, which I wrote about here)

• My relationship with my partner (this has also gotten a lot healthier over the years!) 

• My butt (I look at it in the mirror and think, “You have a cute butt, Aja Frost.”) 

Aliza: I’m really proud of myself for taking the leap to start our newsletter. I recently wrote about the motivation to get started and what it’s been like to share personal essays on the internet. Some of the coolest (and most unexpected) parts have been…

• Writing about myself and life online has brought me closer to my IRL community

• Sometimes it feels like Aja and I are sharing a brain

• I’ve learned I can stick to something creatively fulfilling for an extended period of time

Oh! And I think I’m a really good mom. My son is about a year and a half old, and he has started running and jumping into my arms when I pick him up from daycare in the afternoons. It’s just about the sweetest thing in the world — and I guess he agrees I’m doing a good job!

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

Aja: Marry someone you’ll be happy to face a flight delay with. 

Aliza: “You can’t waste time. It’s impossible. You’re doing what you’re doing and that’s just what’s happenin’ baby.”

I’m always trying to keep my different roles — mom, daughter, friend, wife, coworker, Platonic Love co-founder!, etc. — in balance, but that means I can get overly caught up in trying to optimize every hour of every day. The idea that it’s actually impossible to waste time? That feels radical. I keep this postcard on my fridge as a daily reminder. 

What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever read? 

Aliza: I have such a soft spot for a good memoir; I can hardly narrow it down to my favorites. The most beautiful stories are honest and raw; they’re about relationships, identity, nature, and change: Hold Still by photographer Sally Mann, The Yellow House by Sarah M. Broom, The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion, and Just Kids by Patti Smith. These books each always conjure up a distinct sense of nostalgia and connection for me. I strive to embrace life the way these women have — and bring the same level of authenticity and vulnerability to my own writing for Platonic Love. 

Aja: Ocean Vuong is a brilliant poet. I particularly love Someday I’ll Love Ocean Vuong — it’s incredibly layered and evocative.

Ocean,
are you listening? The most beautiful part
of your body is wherever
your mother's shadow falls.
Here's the house with childhood
whittled down to a single red trip wire.
Don't worry. Just call it horizon
& you'll never reach it.

(Note from Aliza: Ocean Vuong’s On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous easily should have gone on my list above, too. Absolutely gorgeous.) 

What’s one consumable thing you recommend? 

Aliza: Any TV show by Sharon Horgan. Most recently, I loved Bad Sisters, an Irish dark comedy about the unexpected death of the protagonist’s brother-in-law. And my husband and I both adore Catastrophe, a four-season romantic comedy series Horgan created and starred in. It follows an Irish woman and American man in London as they navigate family life. 

We first watched it in 2015 and decided to rewatch now that we have a child and can relate to the show in a new way. Every episode has me laughing out loud. 

Aja: High Maintenance — an anthology-ish show about a weed dealer in New York City — is the show I think everyone will love that no one’s seen. It’s fundamentally smitten with its setting (kind of like Insecure and Los Angeles) and is hilarious and heartwarming by turn.

Thank you so much, Aliza and Aja! ❤️

For more of their wonderful words, check out Platonic Love.

Plus, more Five Big Questions you may have missed, including advice everyone loved, and a poem that always makes me gasp.

---

*** Due to the Memorial Day holiday, this week’s Sunday Letter will be publishing on Tuesday. ***

Thanks so much for reading. I’ll see you next week. x