"No One Really Prepares You for the Kind of Math When 1+1=3 "

Five Big Questions with Marc Typo

Today I’m excited to share a round of Five Big Questions, the short interview series where awesome people share a bit about who they are and what moves them.

Today’s guest is

Marc Typo

, the writer behind Raising Myles. Every week, he writes a letter to his young son, Myles, sharing the joy he didn’t experience himself (inspired by Ta-Nehisi Coates' Between the World and Me).

From stories to poems to videos, his letters are beautiful, honest, vulnerable, and tender. (And always bursting with love.) It was no surprise that his answers for this interview are, too.

Without further ado, here’s Marc, in his own words.

What’s one thing you struggle with that people might be surprised to hear?

If you’ve read my letters to my son, Myles, you know I am madly in love with him, and I love sharing with the world this love I did not get to experience myself. He’s given me a new sense of purpose. (I hate disclaimers, but I feel like I had to set this up for what I’m about to say.)

At the same time, I struggle with how much my marriage changed so quickly; no one really prepares you for the kind of math when 1+1=3. When driving feels different because there's no one sitting next to you anymore because Number 3 is in the back and needs to be consoled. Or there’s not much spooning these days because Number 3 is sleeping between you and now you are all sleeping like the letter H, while he’s kicking you in the ribs. Or the wild adventures you used to take, but now have to think twice because Number 3 can’t go three hours without milk. Or getting ready for a short flight feels like packing for a week instead of just a weekend, because your things and your wife's things can only fit in one suitcase, while Number 3 has a diaper bag, outfit bag, suitcase, stroller, car seat, and you are left wishing it would be pretty nice to have a third arm.

While I love having a son, I grieve what the relationship used to be, and I struggle because I know how much we desperately wanted him, how much we prayed that he would come. Like all the nights we actually spooned, not out of intimacy but held each other because of the void we felt. How we got a bigger car because the one we had would be too snug for a car seat, or a bigger apartment, but the nursery stayed empty. Or all the countless baby showers after baby showers we attended in joy, and had to ask ourselves was God mocking us; clearly he wasn’t.

So I struggle sometimes. And I know, and I know, and I know — that what we are going through right now is just a season, and it’ll get better and he will get older, but you can’t really rationalize your feelings — you just feel them, that’s why they are feelings. So when I think about struggle, I think about the complexity of loving being a father, while also loving what life was like before him — the days when I fell madly in love with the woman who birthed him.

What’s one thing you’re proud of?

People on this planet live their whole lives trying to experience what it means to give and receive love. They search hard, and many times come up empty. I feel incredibly privileged and lucky to get to experience this every waking moment with the woman I met 6 years ago on a subway platform in NYC, who is now my wife. I’m proud of the relationship we have — she’s my favorite person on the planet. I’ve learned how to love and be a better human because of her. I am proud of what we created together. I get to experience this every waking moment, watching the woman I love, love what we created together — our son, Myles.

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

"What is for me cannot miss me." 

In other words, I don’t have to give pieces of myself to get what is meant for me because I am already enough. If an opportunity, a job, or a vibe does not come my way, I have accepted that not only is it not for me, but there is something much better coming my way. This grounds me in knowing and believing that I am enough and deserving of whatever comes.

What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever read?

Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson  

There’s something about reading about a vulnerable and open character that looks like me and feels like me. In a world where there is a cost that comes with being vulnerable, especially as a Black man, this book made me feel safe to feel, laugh out loud, and even cry. I wish I had read something like this when I was younger — I think this book would have served as a balm for a wound when the men in my life told me that I was too emotional, or when I desperately wished crying was something my body did not know how to do. I wish I had read a book that told me I wasn’t any less of a man because I felt feelings and couldn’t help but show them.

Grateful for Martha for recommending this book to me.  

What’s one consumable thing you recommend?

This is a shameless plug for a virtual library I created — The Cookout Library. I believe people’s bookshelves often reflect what they see — themselves. I used to be a kid who never traveled, but the books I read took me places my feet never stepped.

When I was a teacher, I taught students who sometimes never left their city, that reading not only gets to be a mirror but also a window and a sliding glass door. A window, because through someone else’s work in their skin, we get to see a new reality we never dreamed of. A sliding glass door because not only do you get to be a part of someone else’s world, you grow to value and appreciate that world and experience, too. I believe the more we read, the more we can build empathy and reason with each other. I built this library to highlight Black writers who have been mirrors, windows, and sliding glass doors for me. I hope it can be the same for others — especially if they need more windows.

 * Mirrors, Windows, and Sliding Glass Doors was coined by Rudine Sims Bishop

Thank you so much, Marc. You are wonderful.

If you enjoyed this interview, check out the Five Big Questions archive, including a therapist, a comedian… and me!

In honor of my upcoming birthday (and because it’s been a minute since the last one), I’d love to do another AMA later this month. Any and all questions are welcome — related to writing, tarot, books, life in NYC…whatever you’d like to know! Please share your queries via email or in the comments below.

As always, thanks so much for reading. I’ll see you on Sunday. x